Kindness

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22

Most parents, whether they are Christians or not, would say that they want their children to be kind. Kindness is a character trait that is taught in classrooms across the globe and many religions center around this attribute as well. Aesop said, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, was ever wasted." Anne Frank wrote, "No one has ever become poor by giving." And the 14th Dalai Lama was quoted, "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace." All of these things are true. Kindness is defined as a quality of being friendly, generous and considerate with care and concern for others. We use kindness as a synonym for "nice" but I think the Bible teaches us that kindness is much more than that.

Ephesians 2:4-10 says, "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." 

Go back and read what I italicized. These verses makes me want to cry because what Paul is saying here is that God loved us so much, that even though we are sinful beings, he "expressed in his kindness" how he still wants to have a relationship with us. He accomplished this by sending his Son to die for our sins. All of them. My sins, your sins, even that obnoxious person who drives you crazy - yep, his/her sins too. Not only that, but all of our sins are pardoned. Psalm 103:12 says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." You might notice that this verse doesn't say, "he has removed only the easy to forgive transgressions from us." That's because in God's eyes, sin is sin. No one sin is greater than another - it's just all bad. So God's kindness is his forgiveness, which is offered to every one of us.

God extends this kindness to us in the form of forgiveness and if the Lord is able to forgive all sins, then we too need to be able to forgive those who wrong us - and not just the easy sins, but the heart-wrenching ones too. In my post about love, I talked about when Jesus told a parable of a servant who owes his master a dept. The master forgives the debt but then the servant turns around and demands the debt of a fellow servant. The master finds out and is furious that this servant didn't show the same mercy that he had just received and jails him until he is able to repay his -now reinstated- debt (Matthew 18:21-34). Afterward (verse 35), Jesus tells his disciples "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." Oh geeze. I don't know about you, but that verse makes me uneasy because there are lots of things that I don't want to forgive. I have been hurt in ways that are still raw to me and I don't want to give my forgiveness away . . . but I certainly want to be on the receiving end of the Lord's forgiveness. When we do that, we are being hypocritical. We can't have our cake and eat it too when it comes to harboring resentment.

Jesus doesn't discriminate against sin. He forgives all. We need to do that too. Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." We need to forgive, because the Bible tells us to but also because our little ones are watching our every move and the "Do as I say, not as I do" parenting technique is a thing of the past. We are their model. We are being watched all day, every day and how we respond to situations shows our children how we really think a conflict should be solved and it shows them that we practice what we preach.

Weekly Parent Goal:
1. Forgive and forget.

There is only one parent goal for this week because it is a hefty one. We need to practice forgiveness. Go above and beyond what our society says kindness looks like and use the Lord's definition of kindness; forgive and then let it go. This is a hard task and is going to take much longer than a week to practice - it is going to take a lifetime. Start with those that are easy to love - your spouse and your kids. When they leave their underwear in the bathroom for the 400th time, spill the milk all over the floor or tell you they hate you because you did something they didn't like - forgive them even if they didn't say they were sorry. Then practice forgiveness with friends, next acquaintances and finally strangers. When Jesus was dying on the cross, he told his Father to forgive those who put him there - even though they felt no remorse about their actions (Luke 23:32-38). When those excuses of why you don't need to forgive start to enter your mind, stop and reflect on how God forgives all, so we need to do so as well. Of course this is still no easy task. Those feelings of anger and resentment will start mixing inside you and in those times take a minute to ask the Lord to help you to love your wrongdoer as He loves and ask Him to help you forgive. Afterwards, consider it finished. Do not bring up the act again. Guilt trips are beneficial to no one. They are tempting for sure, because your pride is bruised but they are a manipulative way of getting people to carry out your own selfish ambitions.

This week's application for kids:

1. Bless your kiddos.

Mary Ruth Swope wrote a beautiful blessing on 'Mercy' in her book, The Power of Blessing Your Children which aligns well with our topic of kindness and forgiveness. Read this blessing to your children:

In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with the knowledge that the Lord is plenteous in mercy to everyone who calls on Him. Know that the Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.

I bless you with the desire to be faithful in showing kindness and mercy to your family and friends. God has promised to show favor and give a reward to those whose acts of mercy are done in the name of Jesus Christ.

2. Try an activity that explains kindness to your kids.
I am addicted to the videos that SoulPancake posts about Kid President. I seriously love that kid. Here is a funny video on 20 things we should say more often. It is pretty amazing. (#5 is my favorite) Watch this with your kids and try to say as many of these things during the week as possible - which may mean you need to buy some corn dogs (this will make more sense after you watch the video.) Write them down to help you remember - or just watch the video everyday, which is totally enjoyable.

Even though we spoke mainly on forgiveness, being friendly and considerate to others is still a part of kindness. Make a list of kind things you could do with your kids and try to do one every day this week. Here are a few fun ideas you could try but ask your kids what they think would be kind to do for someone. I am sure their answers will surprise you as well as warm your heart.

• Leave a pile of pennies at a fountain with a note "Free Wishes" then sit somewhere close to watch people as they make a wish
• Go through a drive through and pay for the person behind you
• Make thank you cards for custodians and secretaries at your church
• Plant flowers in paper cups and leave them on your neighbors' porches
• Bake cookies and bring them to your local fire department
• Write encouraging messages with sidewalk chalk for pedestrians passing by your house

3.  Weekly Scripture Challenge.

Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to so too!

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit."

Titus 3:4-5 

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about kindness? What ideas did you kids have on how to show kindness to others? I would love to hear them! 

Patience

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22

Let me start this post by saying that I feel completely inadequate to write a blog on patience considering I am totally lacking in this attribute. For all of my previous blogs I made outlines based on what I thought the Lord wanted me to say but when I sat down to study patience this week, nothing came to me. I impatiently just decided to "wing it" but I still had writer's block in the worst way so I had to get up and walk away from this post. I sat outside on the patio while the kids were napping and prayed that the Lord would speak to me for the direction of this post - and I needed it in the near future so I could post this on Monday. I heard a small whisper that said, "God's timing is perfect." I wasn't sure if that was what I should write about or if that was a message for me in relation to my nagging . . . so I continued to nag God. Then I felt like God was teasing me and said something about how I am being impatient for the sake of patience. He was right, per usual.

I am an A-type personality which means that I am impatient by nature. Every act of waiting means that time is being used inefficiently. Waiting at the grocery store? Must mean that the store isn't making good use of it's employees. Stopped at a red light? Those thirty seconds could have gotten you that much closer to your destination. When a serviceman says he will be at your house within a six hour window - oh man, don't even get me started on that one. If I can even get a little personal here, sometimes I get impatient just going to the bathroom because I feel like my body should take care of these waste issues more quickly! The thing is that type-A people get restless when we have to wait because we want to use our time wisely. That restlessness is exactly what we need to shed. Our theme verse says that one of the fruits of the Spirit is patience which means the Holy Spirit doesn't get restless or agitated or annoyed because God's timing is perfect.

When I was in college, I prayed for patience daily. I wanted to be more patient with my roommates. I wanted to be more patient with my family. I wanted to be more patient with my future. I asked God everyday for this patience but patience isn't a burger you order through the fast food drive-thru. Patience is a virtue that is acquired through practice. So instead of "granting" us patience, like a genie in a bottle, the Lord gives us opportunity to practice it. The Bible tells us that patience is one of the attributes of love (1 Corinthians 13:4) and that is better than pride (Ecclesiastes 7:8), but it also tells us that we need to practice this patience even in times of trouble (Psalm 40:1, Romans 12:12) and that it is not just to be used with those who are easy to love but even with those who drive you nuts - which sometimes is that little person who calls you "Mommy" (Ephesians 4:2).

As parents, we have LOTS of opportunities to practice patience. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 says, "And we urge you brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, and be patient with everyone." Is it me or does it seem like Paul wrote that to everyone in Thessalonica who had a toddler? I loved the "idle and disruptive" part especially because you know when it is quiet, your kids are destroying something. And do our kids not get "disheartened" when they can't eat Goldfish crackers by the pound? Yet, Paul tells these parents of toddlers people that they (and us) are to still be patient with everyone.

 This week's parent goals:
1. Look for ways to cheerfully practice patience.
In my post about love, I mentioned that one of the best pieces of advice I got from a friend at MOPS was to look for God in the mess. So when Zachary is having a temper tantrum, I need to try to find something I can thank the Lord for in that situation. Sometimes I am so frustrated, all I can think of is that Zachary is alive and standing in front of me - and that's okay! When we practice gratitude, it squeezes out some of the impatience for that situation. The next time I am at a stoplight with my kids screaming in the back seat, I am going to try to stop and thank the Lord that I have these beautiful children and that their lungs work properly, or that I have a reliable car to get me from point A to point B, or that soon we will be seeing Aunt Laura, or Meme, or Oma and they will give me a break!

I used to do yoga (honest moment here, I say 'used to' because I have no time for it anymore since I am unwilling to wake up early to work out and at night all I want to do is watch something in the DVR cue) and what I loved about yoga was how the instructors always talked about how yoga is a practice. Everyone, even that guy in the front of the class who has his body twisted like an upside-down pretzel, is always working towards getting better. Patience is the same way. Remember it is a practice.

2. Learn the "Have Patience" song.
I realize this seems like a weird thing to work on as parents, but this song is really helpful. I only have the chorus memorized because it was something that my grandma used to sing to my sister and I all the time when we were waiting for something. I do sing it to Zachary sometimes, but I also use it for myself because I seem to need to practice patience a lot. Recently, Sadie had minor surgery and we went back to the hospital for a follow up appointment. The nurse who set up the appointment told me that they wanted Sadie there fifteen minutes early, so for her 8:30 appointment, we were there at 8:15 am. We didn't get called back to the room until 8:50. The doctor didn't come in to see us until 9:20. He looked at her scar for 5 seconds, said it looked good and left. Meanwhile, Sadie had been crying for the past 20 minutes and my husband was trying to keep our two year old busy in the waiting room. While I danced around that little room, I sang this song -out loud- for myself to calm down because I was so annoyed at the lack of respect for our time. I was crazy impatient. It did help, a little. Here are the words to the chorus:

Have patience, have patience
Don't be in such a hurry
When you get impatient, you only start to worry
Remember, remember that God is patient, too
And think of all the times when others have to wait for you

3. Stop and Pray.

I think it is also a good idea tell your kids how you are feeling and pray together. I was reading one of Zachary's favorite books for the fifteenth time and Sadie was rolling around on the floor, annoyed with something and I felt like I was going to have a meltdown. It's not like anything happened out of the ordinary that morning but I just had very little patience and desperately wanted to have a small amount of personal space and maybe a cup of coffee. I closed Zachary's book and told him that Mama was feeling impatient and grumpy and that I needed to talk to Jesus about it. I asked him if he would pray with me. He said yes, closed his little eyes and listened as I asked the Lord to calm my heart. Then I continued reading to Zachary while pacifying Sadie with Sophie the Giraffe. I did start to feel better and I modeled for Zachary what we can do when our feelings get out of control. I think it is important to show our kids that as parents we need help too. By stopping the activity and praying about your situation, you kids can see that you rely on the Lord as well.

 This week's application for kids:

1. Blessing your kiddos.

In my previous posts I have used blessings written by Mary Ruth Swope in her book, The Power of Blessing Your Children. She says in her book, "One thing should be clear: we have the ability to influence both our personal lives and the future of our nation through the powerful act of speaking blessings. It is a foundation stone for successful family and community living." Of the many blessings she has listed in her book, there is not one on patience, but there is a section where the reader can write his/her own blessings, so I wrote my own blessing this week on patience. 

In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with the ability to cheerfully practice patience.

May you exhibit a quiet and steady perseverance through your life while you wait on your family, your friends and even those you don't know. May you live without restlessness as you wait on the Lord and his plans for your life.

I bless you with the ability to be patient in times of trouble and look to the Lord for guidance always.

2. Try an activity that explains patience to your kids.

Something that Zachary likes to "help" me with is baking cookies, probably because he believes baking is eating all the chocolate chips. Baking something sweet with your kiddos is a great way to explain patience, plus you get to eat something yummy afterwards. Measure out all the ingredients that you need and let your kids pour them into the mixing bowl. Talk about how the batter (while still delicious) is a goopy mess and in order to the cookies to come out the way they should, they need to be baked and then they need to cool, which takes time. Sometimes it is really hard to wait, but if the batter gets pulled out of the oven too soon, the treat falls apart. By practicing patience, we can eat our delicious cookies without making a big mess or burning our mouths. This is true with other things too. List off situations where your kids need to practice patience: watching a sibling's soccer game or dance recital, waiting for Dad to come home to eat dinner, wanting to play outside but it is raining, etc.

3. Weekly Scripture Challenge.

Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to do so too!

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love."

Ephesians 4:2

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about patience? I would love to hear them! 

Peace

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22

Up until fairly recently, a good adjective to describe me would be timid. I have always been a fearful person. When I was a kid, I had nightmares pretty often. It seemed like I was always being attacked by a giant spider, a hungry shark or King Kong. Yep, my childhood reoccurring dream was about King Kong. He would look in my house, with his giant eyeball taking up the whole window. I always woke up right at the part where I was yelling at my parents to move away from the window as he was about to reach in and grab them. I remember a one time waking up to my dad who was trying to rouse me from a nightmare - apparently I was screaming in my sleep. As I got older, I became fearful of being abducted, tortured or getting in some horrific car crash. Then I got married and had kids and started to worry about what would happen to these people whom I loved fiercely. All of this worry was building up and quite honestly, it was very exhausting; especially because all of my worries had one thing in common: my lack of control on my environment or outcomes.

I think most moms worry. We have birthed these tiny humans and unfortunately, they don't come with instructions or bubble wrap. So, we worry about small things like sleep habits, breastfeeding verses bottle feeding, daycare or nannies, separation anxiety, and so on. Then we worry about big things like if our children will grow to love Jesus, if they will be bullied, will they go to a good college, will they be happy, etc. And then we have those fleeting moments where we worry about heart-wrenching things like if our child will be kidnapped or harmed or taken away from us too early in life. All of this worry builds up and we begin to live timid lives. Last summer, the Lord laid on my heart to let go of this timidity and start living a bolder life. My mantra verse became 2 Timothy 1:7 which says, "God did not give me a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." The reason we worry is because none of us can control our environment, we can only control how we adapt to it and the best way to do that is to lean on the Lord.

Jesus talked about worry because worry has always been an issue. He tells us that worry is counterproductive because the Lord will always take care of us - we are valuable to him (Matthew 6:25-34). This doesn't mean that we won't face trials - because we will - and it doesn't mean that the Lord will always answer our prayers the way we want - because he won't - but it does mean that the Lord is always with us and will give us the strength, comfort and support that we need in those moments.  Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." We don't have to do life alone. The Lord wants to come along side us and help carry our burdens and worries. He wants to share his peace in every aspect of our lives, including our children and their future.

So, we know that we need peace in our hearts but we also need peace in our actions. Matthew 5:9 says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons ('and daughters' if I may add-lib here) of God." Being a peacemaker might not be as difficult as having peace in your heart, but it certainly isn't always easy either. One way that we can be peacemakers to is refrain from gossip, which I have found can be an easy entrapment for moms who crave to know what's going on outside of PBS. I am ashamed to admit that this is something I struggle with as well. The Bible tells us that gossip betrays confidence (Proverbs 11:13), separates friends (Proverbs 16:28), and fuels conflict (Proverbs 26:20). I have found that this problem seems to be especially prevalent in the church where gossip spreads like wildfire due to "prayer requests." I put that in quotes because I have heard, and have also been a victim of, people spreading gossip but disguising it as a prayer request. 

When I was in high school, I got into a car accident. Everyone was fine, but I was deeply embarrassed, especially because I thought people would judge me as a bad driver because I was a newer driver. My mom (with my consent) shared this with her small group to pray for me but asked the ladies to keep it within the group because of my embarrassment. However this information leaked due to phrases like, "Oh, did you hear about Pam? She was in a car accident. I guess she is really nervous about driving again. Can you pray for her?" The next thing I knew, the whole church knew and I had many people coming up to me to talk about my accident. Whoever shared that "prayer request" betrayed my mom's confidence, which made her not trust her small group and it also fueled anger within me. Do not use a "prayer request" as a sneaky way to spread gossip. Be loyal and trustworthy. Keep your word and your friend's confidence. You may think you are helping, but it is best to ask your friend first if you may share their stories. Don't make that judgement for yourself. James 3:17-18 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." Let's use this as our guide as we try to be peacemakers. Seek the wisdom from heaven so that we can reap our harvest.

This week's parent goals: 
1. Let Go of Worry.

Okay, this is less of a weekly goal and more of a life-time goal. This is a really hard one for me. I have worried for so long that it is a hard habit to break and since having kids, I worry even more about them. We know that the Lord doesn't want us "borrowing trouble from tomorrow" (Matthew 6:34) and he wants us to experience His peace. John 14:27 says, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." When we find ourselves worrying, we need to train ourselves to stop and give that worry over to the Lord. We need to trust that His way is the best way and that He can turn everything into good. Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present all your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." When I find myself worrying (which is many times during the day) I try to stop and thank the Lord for what I have in that very moment and tell Him about whatever I am worrying about. He already knows what is troubling me, I might as well chat about it with Him. Often I find that my worries are alleviated even if it is just a little bit.

2. Be a Peacemaker

Remember that our little ones are watching our every move to see how we handle situations. It is important that they see Christ's reflection in our relationships. We need to make sure that we are helping to resolve conflicts instead of building them up. We are all going to fail at this; we are human, but those can also be great teaching times to show our kids how we right our wrongs. How wonderful for our children to see their parents say "I'm sorry," or to stand up for someone who's name is being slandered.  Proverbs 15:26 says, "The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but gracious words are pure in his sight."

This week's application for kids: 
1. Blessing your kiddos.

Mary Ruth Swope wrote a book called The Power of Blessing Your Children. The book contains many blessings that you can read to your children. In her forward she writes about the power of blessing our children and that this power helps us to live successful lives for the Lord. She writes "We cannot allow Satan to rob us of this wonderful privilege." Use this blessing Swope wrote about peace on your kids this week.

In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with peace--another gift from God that comes to those who walk in His statutes and remember to do His commandments. Your children, too, will be taught about the Lord, and great will be their peace.

You will not be afraid but instead will have perfect peace if you keep your mind on Him. Jesus Christ is your peace. And the peace of God will keep your heart and mind in health as long as you trust and serve your God. 

2. Try an activity that explains peace to your kids. 

As an educator, I LOVE children's literature. The Pout-Pout Fish in the Big-Big Dark by Deborah Diesen is a great book to read with your kids to address our first topic, worry. In the book, Mr. Fish agrees to help a friend, but has to go to the deep, dark ocean to complete the goal. He is afraid of the dark but with the help of friends, he realizes that friendship is bigger than the dark. Read this story to your kids and talk about things that they are worried about. Remind them that God is bigger than those things and then pray with your kids about their worries.

A great example of being a peacemaker is in the book Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes. In the book, Lilly has a purple plastic purse that she got from her grandmother, along with new movie star sunglasses and three shiny quarters. She wants to show everyone in her class her treasures but she chooses to do so at the wrong time. Her teacher takes away her things and she draws a mean picture of him, which he finds. When he returns her things with a note saying that tomorrow is a new day, Lilly feels terrible and apologizes to her teacher. Read this story with your kids and talk about how we all do things that aren't nice but the importance of making things right and a good way to start is by apologizing. Model what an apology should look like.  Start with addressing the wrong and then explaining how he/she can use a different strategy in the future. Then ask for forgiveness. Write down the following prompts and display them somewhere in your house as a reminder of what a sincere apology looks like. Be sure to use this too so that your kids can see that you mean what you say and that these rules aren't just for kids, but for adults too.

I am sorry for ...

Next time I'll ...

Will you forgive me?

An idea I found on Pinterest is a graphic organizer that shows what a peacemaker looks like in a classroom setting, but this would be a great activity for families too. Write down or have your kids write down examples on how you and your family can be peacemakers in your home and out in public. Prompt the kids with ideas but be sure that they are giving a majority of the responses so that they can take ownership in this activity instead of listening to a list of rules that mom is making. It will help them to remember and then execute their words.

3. Weekly Scripture Challenge.
Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to do so too!

 "The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."

Psalm 29:11

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about peace? I would love to hear them!  

Joy

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22

Before I had children, I remember thinking that I thought I would be a good mom, a joyful mom. I was more afraid of the pregnancy, the labor and the delivery part, but the raising of the children part would be a cakewalk. I had babysat a ton as a teen. I was twelve when my youngest sister was born so I wasn't completely ignorant on how to care for a baby. I figured that I would be able to continue with my life as usual with some minor adjustments to our day, due to feedings and diaper changes. I quickly realized that I was very wrong. Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. My husband teases me that when he goes to work he is actually going on "vacation" because his real job starts the minute he gets home. 

I got pregnant pretty quickly after moving from Minneapolis to Cincinnati. I didn't have a doctor, a home church, a job or friends. All of these eventually fell into place but I found that making friends as an adult to be challenging. After Zachary was born, I had all these excuses why I couldn't join a group/class/organization but the truth was I was scared to put myself out there. I was scared that people wouldn't like me or I wouldn't be able to connect with anyone. So I sunk deeper into isolation which had me on the verge of depression. It seemed like all the mothers that I saw, while tired, were joyful. Why wasn't I? Where was my joy? I was diligently studying my Bible, going to church each Sunday, had a healthy relationship with my husband and was grateful for my happy and healthy baby. There were parts of my day where I was happy but I wouldn't have described my all around attitude as joyful.

After Zachary turned one, I got pregnant again. I realized that something had to change. I didn't want to be a mother that was just going through the motions. Sure, Zachary was fed, bathed, clothed, and entertained each day, but I wanted to raise him - and now this little one on the way - with joy. I decided to join the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group at my church. I mentioned in my post It Takes a Village that I had planned on keeping my feelings to myself. I wasn't going to share with these strangers how I had very little joy in my heart. What would that say about me as a mother? What would that say about me as a Christian? The Bible is peppered with many verses about joy and being filled with joy as a Christ-follower (John 15:11, Acts 13:52, Jude 1:24 to name a few). What would these women think if they knew I wasn't full of joy?

If you read my Village post then you know that I ended up spilling my guts to these women and then in horror I tried to figure out how to make a quick getaway, but as it turned out I didn't need to escape. Just as the Lord pressed me to share my feelings, He also took care of me in that MOPS group. All those women looked at me with compassion and gave me advice, empathy and most importantly, their friendship. Since joining MOPS I have found my joy. I still have super hard days where I want to pull my hair out or cry along with my kids, but there is at least one part of every single day that gives me joy and more importantly, I would describe my role now as a joyful mother.

So what was my problem? I was trying to parent alone. I had my husband, but no other outlet. The very first human had this same problem. When God created Adam, he knew that Adam was going to need companionship. Genesis 2:18 says, "The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."" We were meant to commune with God and each other. When Jesus walked the earth, He had his core group of friends too. He spent some time alone, but most of His time was spent with the disciples (Mark 3:7, 13). We aren't created to be hermits - even an introvert like me needs people.

This week's parent goals: 

1. Get connected.  

Don't make the same mistake that I made in thinking that I didn't need anyone with me as I journeyed through parenthood. Get plugged in somewhere. Personally, I believe that your church is the best place to start because then those people can also help you with your spiritual walk which is going to then trickle into your parenting. Check out a ladies Bible study, volunteer to be a greeter or nursery worker on Sunday mornings, or find a MOPS group in your area. Outside of the church you could check out the weekly Story Time at your local library or organize a weekly outing to a park with friends. If you are more introverted like me, this is going to be hard. My challenge for you is to choose something that forces you to be with a group twice a month for six months. If one group doesn't work for you, try something else. Don't try to do this alone; we are aren't built for loneliness.

2. Look for joy in your daily trials.  

After I shared with the women my struggles with being a parent, one woman gave me a piece of advice that I try to use daily. She said to look for God in those moments when you think you're going to lose it. When Zachary is having a temper tantrum because I won't give him another applesauce pouch, my rational, adult mind wants him to just understand that he already had one applesauce and we are going to eat dinner soon and he can't just eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. After dealing with these ridiculous tantrums all day, I just want to lose it. These are the moments I try to stare at that little toe head with his big crocodile tears streaming down his face and I look for God in that moment. Sometimes I am so frustrated that the only thing I can think of is that Zachary is a healthy boy, but that's okay, thank God for that in that moment. It doesn't make the tantrums go away, but with practice it does help you to find joy in your trials. James 1:2 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds."

3. Practice Gratitude.

I read somewhere that comparison is a thief of joy. This is true, because instead of being happy with what we have, we look at someone else and wish that the roles could be reversed. The problem is that we never really know what their lives are like behind closed doors. What we are aware of, are the blessings that the Lord has given us. When we feel jealous of others going on fancy vacations, living in nice homes, or having the perfect beach body, we fail to relish in what the Lord has given us. We are ungrateful for what we do have because it isn't as good as such-and-such. This includes how we parent. It is easy to look at other moms and wonder if we are doing something wrong because our kid won't sleep, eat veggies, or achieve milestones sooner than another kid. We need to stop comparing ourselves and start practicing gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 says, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ."

4. Write down one moment of your day where you felt joy. 

Sometimes we need to retrain our brain to think in a more positive way. Philippians 4:8 says,  "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." If you tend to be a "glass is half empty" kind of a person, this activity may be challenging for you and take some time, but by physically writing down something that brought you joy every night, you will eventually learn to find that daily joy with ease. Your joy for the day can be something simple like getting the first parking space at Target or completing a grocery trip with the kids in tow (in my opinion, this would be a monumentous Joy moment!) Paul wrote this in Philippians 1:4, "In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy." That is my prayer for you (and for me too) that we would have joy. It makes parenting so much better.

This week's application for kids: 
1. Blessing your kiddos.

When I wrote about love in my last post, I mentioned a book called The Power of Blessing Your Children written by Mary Ruth Swope. The book contains many blessings that you can read to your children. In her forward she writes about the power of blessing our children and that this power helps us to live successful lives for the Lord. She writes "We cannot allow Satan to rob us of this wonderful privilege." Use this blessing Swope wrote about joy on your kids this week.   

 

In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with a spirit of joy, because the joy of the Lord is your strength. I want you to be strong in body, in soul and in spirit.

Let your joy come from the beauty of God's creative handiwork. See the trees. Look up at the sky and get joy from the beauty of the white, billowy clouds set against the blue horizon. See with your spiritual eyes the dozens of different birds God has made for your enjoyment. Take note of the detail in God's flowers - the colors, shapes, sizes and perfumes.

Keep your mind on the things God has created for your pleasure and let them fill you with joy. 

2. Try an activity that explains joy to your kids.
Younger Kiddos: Make a Tambourine

I made this with Zachary and we had a great time! I brought out my markers, which he had never used before, to make the activity a little more special. I wrote the verse on the plate, since he is only two and I don't have a Doogie Howser on my hands. As he was coloring, I would read the verse to him. When we finished, he really liked shaking his tambourine! You could say it gave him great joy. :)

Supplies Needed:

2 paper plates (Per person)
Stapler
Hole Punch
Markers/Crayons
Ribbon

Dried Beans (I didn't have any, so I used elbow macaroni)

- On the back of one of the paper plates, write out the following verse large enough to take up the whole plate, or if your kids are able, have them write out the verse themselves: Make a JOYFUL noise to the Lord, all the lands. Psalm 100:1.

- Color the plates and add your dried beans (or in my case, elbow macaroni) to one plate. Add the second plate to the first so that the "wrong" sides of the plates are facing out. 

- Staple along the edges of the plates so the beans don't fall out.

- Punch a few holes along the edge of the plate and tie ribbons for extra flare.

Older Kiddos: Write out Thank You Cards

Help your kids practice showing gratitude by having your older kids (and you!) choose someone to write a thank you card to. Maybe it is a neighbor for mowing your lawn while you were on vacation or a friend's mom or dad for driving your son or daughter to soccer practice. Then after the card is completed, go on a "secret mission"  to deliver the card without being spotted. Bonus points for adding flowers or cookies to the thank you card. Talk with your kids about how good it feels to make others feel joyful and ask how they think their thank you care recipient will feel. You could even make it a weekly or monthly "mission" and choose someone new each time.

3. Weekly Scripture Challenge.
Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to do so too!

" May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

If you are looking to connect with a MOPS group in your area, click here.

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about joy? I would love to hear them!

Love

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."  

Galatians 5:22

In my previous blog post, I wrote about how I felt gentle nudging to write about the fruit of the Spirit and to break down each of the characters and talk about how they relate to us rearing our children. Our first attribute is love. The concordance in my Bible lists 326 verses that contain the word "love." That must mean that love is a pretty big deal. It is also interesting to note that in Bible times, it was harder for a writer to get an important message across since tools such as bold font or italics were still far into the future. Important words/phrases/messages were relayed through repetition (thus the 326 verses about love) and the most important person/topic/idea was often listed first, as in our theme verse. As if that wasn't enough to stress the importance of love, Paul spells it out for us in 1 Corinthians 13:13 when he wrote, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Love is the reason why God saved us from our sins. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life." I have heard that verse my entire life, but when I sit and really reflect on that, I realize what a heavy verse that is. As a parent, I can't even imagine how heart-wrenching it must have been for the Father to watch his Son suffer for mankind. But Jesus was going to conquer death because He loves us that much to sacrifice Himself. While studying this topic, I wanted to focus on how Jesus showed love while He was on earth. While there are many, many ways, I narrowed it down to five: quality time, discipline, forgiveness, prayer and serving.

Quality Time. Throughout the Gospels, we read about how Jesus was almost always with His disciples. Even when He was teaching to large crowds, He would often withdraw with His disciples (Mark 3:7, 13). With His Twelve, He ate, traveled, preached, healed and fished. The night that He was betrayed by Judas, Jesus knew what was going to happen and spent His last night with His disciples where the first communion was served. If you love someone, then you need to spend quality time with them to cultivate the relationship. The same is true with our kids. Obviously we love them, but sometimes that quality time piece is easy to drop. Between soccer, Girl Scouts, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, and so on, we sometimes lose that one-on-one time with our wee ones. Being a list-oriented person who bases the success of a day on the tasks completed, this is a tough one for me. Especially since reading Baby Beluga for the tenth time doesn't really thrill me. One way I make sure I get quality time with my kids is at bedtime. I leave my phone downstairs. I talk and coo at Sadie while I bathe and nurse her. After she is down for the night, I get Zachary ready for bed and when he is in his jammies, we snuggle in the chair in his room while he brushes his teeth. I scratch his back or his legs and we talk about the day. I think he looks forward to it too because he knows he has my undivided attention and I honestly feel like my heart grows bigger during this time.

Discipline. Sometimes it is hard to understand why discipline is a form of love - especially if you are the one being disciplined, but all discipline should be rooted in love. Jesus would rebuke His disciples (the biggest offender was Peter) not because He wanted to show them how He was right but because He loved them and wanted what was best for them. Hebrews 12:6 says, "because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son." When I tell Zachary not to climb up the backrest of our kitchen chairs, it's not because I don't want him to have fun, it's because I don't want him to fall and get hurt. Unfortunately, sometimes Zachary needs to learn that lesson the hard way - yep, he fell off the chair and nailed his head, but don't we do the same thing? Don't we do what we think is best sometimes instead of what God knows is best? And then we fall and nail our heads and realize we should have done it God's way to begin with. I often think about this when I am disciplining Zachary. I get so frustrated with him when he doesn't listen to me, but how often does God get frustrated with me for the same offense? Revelation 3:19 says, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent." 

Forgiveness. This word feels heavy and light all at the same time, it just depends on whether you are the one giving or receiving the forgiveness. Jesus told a parable about a servant who owed his master a great deal of money. After pleading for his life, the servant was pardoned by his master and his debt was canceled. That same servant left his master and ran into a fellow servant who owed him a small amount of money. He demanded the debt be paid and refused the man mercy when he could not pay and threw him in prison. The master found out what happened and was furious. He called the servant and said, "You wicked servant, I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" (Matthew 18:23-35). Shouldn't we have mercy on our fellow servants just as the Lord has mercy on us?

I know it is hard. I know about the excuses; I have used them myself. "She really hurt me." "That is just unforgivable." "You don't know what happened." "He will just do it again." What if the excuses we use not to forgive others, God used not to forgive us? After all, he gave his Son - a HUGE sacrifice. He could easily say, I am not going to let my Son's death pardon the pride that Pam Carlson exhibited last week. He could, but he doesn't. Not only are we called to forgive (Mark 11:25), we should want to because it is so freeing! Grudges are heavy, ugly and unbecoming. We can't let our children think this is an acceptable way to deal with conflict. Model forgiveness for your kids when you are in a conflict. Use the words "I forgive you" the first time they tell you they are sorry. I heard a story about a boy who did something rotten to his mother and when he finally mustered up the courage to apologize, her response was, "I already forgave you." What a beautiful thing to say. Imagine the weight that must have lifted off his shoulders hearing that. 

Prayer. Jesus knew that in order to get the most out of His time on earth and complete His Father's will, He needed to talk to the Father and He needed to do it often. He would pray alone and He would pray with others. Jesus prayed to offer up praise to his Father (Matthew 11:25-26), He prayed for protection over His disciples - which also includes Christians today - (John 17:6-26), He prayed for forgiveness of those who wronged Him (Luke 23:34), and He prayed as an example as to how we should pray (Matthew 6:13). Just as Jesus modeled this for his disciples, we need to do the same for our kiddos. How are our kids going to know how to pray if they never see Mom or Dad talking to the Lord?

Serving. I would venture to say that moms reading this last one just let out an audible scoff because if anyone knows anything about serving, it's moms. Serving is what we do from the minute we wake up in the morning, until the moment we lay our heads down at night - which is not a break because we are still "on call" and especially if there is a little baby who requires nightly feedings. Many days "serving yourself" means going to the bathroom alone while your littles are napping - if you're lucky. But take heart because you are in company! Mark 10:45 says, "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a random for many." So the way I see it, we are already mimicking our Lord by serving our families; however, many of us - myself included - just need a little attitude adjustment. 

Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." I don't know about you but I often feel like my kids are my human masters, so instead of begrudgingly completing a task - which I often do - I need to think about how I am completing that task for the Lord. When I am folding laundry, I need to think about how I have working arms to fold laundry and be grateful for the clean clothes that I can put on my family's backs and put a smile in my heart as I fold laundry for the Lord. When I am unloading the dishwasher, I need to think about how those dishes held food that fed my family and be thankful that I don't know what true hunger is and I need to put a smile in my heart as I put away the dishes for the Lord. When I am changing a diaper, I need to be grateful that my kids' bodies are working properly and I don't have to spend time in hospitals because they are healthy. I need to be grateful that I can afford diapers and that I can be the one changing their diaper and not someone at a daycare facility. I need to put a smile in my heart and change those poopy diapers for the Lord! I know it seems silly, but I have done this and I am telling you, it not only make the task more pleasant I know it pleases the Lord to know that we are using our abilities to glorify him even with something mundane.

Now that we have delved into love, let's talk about how we can apply what we have learned to our parenting and to our kids.


This week's parent goal: To consciously love on your kids each day.
1. What can you do to intentionally spend quality time with each of your kids?

Maybe mornings are your best time and you can read Clifford books in bed with your kids before you start your day. Maybe you have a one-on-one lunch date while the baby is sleeping. Maybe you stagger bedtimes so you can have snuggles while your kids brush their teeth. Figure out what works best for your family and your personalities and get that time in every day. You'll never look back on your life and think, "I wish I held my babies less."

2. Take the time to explain the "why" of the discipline consequence.

When I was a kid, I always hated when grown ups would answer my "why's" with "Because I said so!" Would you accept that answer if your boss/neighbor/friend said that to you? No, so why do we expect our kids to be pacified with that answer? Explaining a consequence takes more time and patience, but it shows the child that you care about them, not about your power over them. It is also important to note that the timing of this conversation is crucial. When Zachary hits me and I put him in time out, while he is screaming in anger is not a good time to explain that hitting hurts Mommy and it is not how we solve problems. I wait until he is calm so he can actually listen to my words.

3. Model forgiveness.

If our children don't see us forgiving, they will not be inclined to forgive either. A great opportunity to model forgiveness is after you have explained the "why" of the discipline consequence. That is generally when I tell Zachary that I love him and I forgive him. After I give him a hug and we go on with our day, I don't continue to hold his past poor judgement over his head. That will only teach him that I haven't forgiven him, which will in turn teach him that he can't trust my words. I want to be more like that mom who said, "I have already forgiven you" because that is how Jesus answers us when we repent. Let's do the same to our kids.

4. Let your kids play a more active role in prayer times.

When we pray, we always ask Zachary who he wants to pray and he will choose someone. Then we ask him what he wants to pray for. His prayer requests are generally the same everyday: Dada, Aunt Worwah, Eric, Trish-AH, Brucie-Bruce (and then he often goes back and repeats everyone in case I forgot) Then when he is ready, he closes his eyes and prepares his heart for prayer. My heart melts every single time we pray and we do so quite often throughout the day. I think he likes to pray because first of all, he saw Troy and I pray before he could talk and secondly, because he is a participant of the prayer. Ask your kids who should pray, or take turns. Make it fun and do a popcorn prayer where whoever is praying, when finished says "Popcorn, Dad!" now it is Dad's turn to pray. Teach you kids early that talking to the Lord is a vital part of our daily routine.

5. Fold your clothes for the Lord!

Remember that the Lord blessed you with special abilities that are unique to you. When you are completing a task think about how you can be grateful for what you are doing and put a smile in your heart and do it for the Lord.

This week's application for kids:

1. Blessing your kiddos.
A friend told me about a great book by Mary Ruth Swope called The Power of Blessing Your Children. In her forward she explains why she wrote this book of blessings. Her last paragraph says this:

                  "We can expect God to do great and marvelous deeds when we call forth the promises of   His Word for our loved one. As you bless your children in the name of the Lord, you will see God fill their lives with good things and bring full salvation even to your children's children. (See Psalm 102:17-18)"

Use this blessing Swope wrote about love on your kids this week.

"In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with the will to love God with all your heart and with the ability to do so all the days of your life.

I also bless you with a deep desire to love both your parents with true affection for as long as you live. Loving God first and your parents next will undoubtedly lead to your loving yourself and your neighbors as yourself. I bless you with this kinds of love.

I bless you with the understanding to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ for you. I flood you with the knowledge of how precious you are to God, to your family and to your friends."

2. Try an activity that explains love to your kids.

Zachary is only two and Sadie is three months, so I needed something that wasn't going to take a lot of preparation or create a huge mess that would be overwhelming. I took a piece of red construction

A quick activity that is a good visual on love.

paper and cut out a large heart. I asked Zachary what it was and he smiled and attempted to say the shape name. I told him that a heart is a symbol of love and I told him that Mama loves him very much. Then I got out a marker and told him some of the things that I loved about him and wrote them on the heart. I hung the heart up on the bulletin board in our kitchen as a reminder. Then I told Zachary that Jesus loves all these things about him too, and much much more! Try something with your kids that is a visual reminder of how much you love them and how much more God loves them.

3. Weekly Scripture Challenge

Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to do so too!

"Love one another as I have loved you."

John 13:34

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about love? I would love to hear them!

Fruit of the Spirit

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."  

Galatians 5:22

When I was a kid, my sister and I were Vacation Bible School junkies. We would go to three and sometimes four different churches in the area to attended their Vacation Bible School. We loved the songs, the crafts and making new friends. There was a small church by my house that had one of my favorite VBS programs. The church was small. The parking lot probably only held about 50 cars. When you walked into the church, you would either go upstairs to the sanctuary or downstairs to a multipurpose room with small classrooms on one side. There was a tiny kitchen at the far, back wall. The church did not have any air conditioning and was hot as all get out, but I loved this small church. It felt cozy to me. Today, most churches buy curriculum for the week of Vacation Bible School, but when I was young, many churches came up with their own themes for the week. One year, this little church's VBS theme was the Fruit of the Spirit. There was a song that we sang everyday to help us remember all the attributes and to this day whenever I read about the Fruits of the Spirit, I hear that song in my head.

In the past, I have used my blog as a creative outlet for my writing. I never really had anything important to say; I generally just babbled on about things I can't live without (Chap Stick), fond memories of being a kid (Goggles), or ridiculous things that randomly go through my mind (Blinking Sound Effects). But since getting pregnant the second time around, I have felt a gentle nudge to use this blog more as an encouragement to readers and more specifically to moms. I changed the name of the blog from Nonsense to A Spoonful of Sugar because I felt like some of the posts I have written about are not "nonsense" but hopefully a bit of sweet inspiration of which I also need a reminder. As parents, we have a great responsibility to raise our beautiful babies in truth and grace. 3 John 1:4 says, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." That is my prayer daily, but I need a lot of help because we all know that raising children is tireless, hard work. 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are characters that are produced by the Holy Spirit, not by self-effort. This means that if we believe and confess that Jesus Christ is our Savior then the Holy Spirit lives within us (Acts 2:17-21) and if the Holy Spirit lives within us, then we possess these attributes too (Galatians 2:20).  I felt another gentle nudging to write about the Fruit of the Spirit and to break down each of the characters and talk about how they relate to us rearing our children. The next nine blogs are going to be devoted to diving into each of the fruits of the spirit. The vision for these blogs will be to be read as a weekly devotional. Each blog will have:

- Background information about what the Bible says about each attribute,
- Ways to intentionally use each character within parenting during the week,
- Activities to do with children to teach them about each fruit of the Spirit,
- A blessing to pray over children for the week in relation to the character being studied,
- A verse of the week to study and memorize

I want to be very clear in stating that I am by no means an expert in parenting or theology. I am a humble student at both, but I am hoping that those who read this might also want to take part in this study. I have prayed that the Lord would use these posts to speak to those who need to hear this. I would love to hear how the Lord is moving through you as we study the fruits of the Spirit. Please feel free to comment about your experiences or ideas that might add to our growth.