Laura Petrie Pants

When I was in high school, my sister and I were wild. We would stay up super late, into the wee hours of the night. My parents were completely oblivious to what we were up to. While they were snug in their warm bed, Laura and I would be watching television shows that only were on after a certain hour. We were watching . . . Nick at Night. Now you know our shame. My sister and I would spend our crazy nights watching Nick at Night until we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore. That's right, we were nuts for "Bewitched", "Petticoat Junction" and "I Dream of Jeanie." One of our personal favorites was "The Dick Van Dyke Show;" probably because we loved the movie Mary Poppins so much. In case I need to make a link for you folks, Dick Van Dyke played Bert in the movie, but seeing as we were watching the Dick Van Dyke show after seeing Mary Poppins, we would just call him Bert. Referencing him also often involved a rendition of the chimney sweeper dance, obviously.

One interesting fact about "The Dick Van Dyke Show" is that Mary Tyler Moore, who played Laura Petrie, was a bit of a risque actress who wanted to wear pants (gasp!) on television during a time when married couples were shown sleeping in individual twin beds. The network respected Moore enough to allow her to wear pants for only one scene in each episode. (After I learned this, I thought it was fun to notice this with each episode.) The pants she chose were black, although the show was in black and white, so they could have been any dark color, and they were capris, or as my grandma likes to call them, petal pushers. I always thought they looked so classy.

Fast forward to a few months ago when I was shopping at my meca, The Gap. I was trying on some dress pants when I found a pair that I was sure would look heinous on me, but they were on sale so I thought I would give them a chance. I put them on, looked in the mirror and fell in love. They were Laura Petrie pants!! At long last, I had found them and let me tell you, I wore them well. Laura Petrie would be proud. These dress pants are currently hanging in my closet amongst my other dress pants which happen to be harboring unfriendly feelings toward the Laura Petrie pants because they know the Laura Petrie pants are my favorite.

The only problem I had with my Laura Petrie pants is the same problem I have with all dress pants. I don't understand why the pockets are sewn up. It is like the factories think that you are going to try on the dress pants, stuff them full of things and then put them back. I think if they are going to sew up the pockets, they should put a message inside like a fortune cookie. I would love it, if I got home with my new Laura Petrie pants, ripped open the seams and found a message in the pocket. Here are a few suggestions that would be fantastic.

"Wow, your butt looks awesome in here!"
"Wanna hold hands?"
"You are going to have a great day, so long as you strut your stuff."

Anyway, you get the idea. I just think it would be fun. I mean if they are going to sew up the pockets on my Laura Petrie pants, the least they could do is put a little surprise message that could say something like, "You call these Laura Petrie pants? Laura Petrie calls these Pam Carlson pants."