Gentleness

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22

After I posted last week's blog about faithfulness, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I have been working through digging myself out of the pit of despair but I am still feeling very raw, very exposed and very exhausted. So it seems divinely appropriate that the next attribute of the fruit of the Spirit is God's sweet gentleness.When studying this characteristic, I came across the following verse that brought me comfort as I seek to find shelter in the Lord's gentleness:

"He tends his flock like a shepard; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young."
Isaiah 40:11

We are the flock and the Lord is the shepard. The shepard loves his flock and tenderly cares for them. The last line is my favorite though, "he gently leads those that have young." Guess who that could be? It's us! The Lord knows how tiring it is to be a good parent. He knows that this is the hardest and most important job we will ever have. During our lowest lows and highest highs, He is always with us. He sees us rocking our babies for hours in the middle of the night. He sees us with our spit up stained shirts. He sees us cry in desperation when our children test and break our limits. He knows we are smiling on the outside but are fragile on the inside and so he is gentle with us mamas (and daddys too). 

God sees us as precious and valuable. When we are feeling beaten down, tired, and hopeless, He wants to be near to us and give us a hug. When we embrace the negative self-talk that The Creeper tries to pass off as truth, the Lord comes alongside of us and whispers our great value to Him. He gently leads us to repent our selfish ways. He gently leads us to those who will help us. He gently leads us back to Him.

Since becoming a mom, Matthew 11:28-30 was the verse I had on repeat mode especially during the nightly nursing sessions when I was exhausted and lonely. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” As parents, this verse describes us perfectly. We are weary and burdened. Raising these babies is hard but the Lord tells us that he is gentle and humble. He is ready and willing to love on us, but he leaves the choice up to us. He tells us to come to him but this isn't a command, it is a heartfelt offer. 

In those weeks leading up to me admitting my issues with control and believing the lies that The Creeper had been telling me for so long, I felt hopeless, lonely and entitled. The whole time, I know the Lord was saying, "Pam, come to me. I know you are weary. I know you are burdened. I will give you rest. I know you are worried about what's to come. I will gently lead you. You just have to choose me." When I finally did choose Him, I felt like the heavy ugliness that has been weighing me down for weeks was lifted. I felt like I could breathe again. I felt like I could genuinely smile again. I felt like my restlessness had calmed. I am not saying that I don't still have a lot of work ahead of me - because I do. I still need to choose to love Troy first. I still need to choose to be thankful. I still need to choose to flee from The Creeper. These are all choices that I mentally have to make every single day, but when I realized what I was allowing to happen to myself, my family and my relationship with the Lord, I asked for forgiveness and was given the Lord's gentleness as I begin to heal.

Weekly parent goal:

1. Find refuge in the Lord and linger in His gentleness.

I received a lot of feedback from you all after you read about my failures. Many of you echoed that these are issues you struggle with as well. Friends, I urge you to speak out your own truths. Go to your spouse or close friend and tell them what is trying to steal your joy as a parent, spouse or woman. Talk about it with the Lord. Then rest in His gentleness. Visualize him wrapping his loving arms around you. Close your eyes and let Him take control. He will not abandon you, especially when you are choosing Him. Let Him gently lead you.

2. Do something restful for yourself.
Ooooh, this is a hard one for me. It sounds so simple, but for many of us moms, we feel guilty doing something for ourselves when our family is back at home, probably naked and starving (do you see my control issues?). Even though it is hard, we need to try to take care of ourselves every once in a while, otherwise we will burn out. It's like when the flight attendant on a plane tells you to put on your oxygen mask on first and then help your neighbor. You can't help your neighbor is you have already passed out. Encourage your spouse or close friend to hold you accountable for this goal this week. Go get a pedicure, spend an hour reading or working on a project you have been thinking about. Go to Target and run down every single aisle screaming, "I have no kids with me!" Whatever you choose, while you are doing this act, cognitively allow your brain to shut down and your muscles to relax. Spend some time talking to the Lord and enjoying His gentleness. Enjoy yourself!
 

This week's application for kids:

 1. Blessing your kiddos.
In my previous posts I have used blessings written by Mary Ruth Swope in her book, The Power of Blessing Your Children. She says in her book, "One thing should be clear: we have the ability to influence both our personal lives and the future of our nation through the powerful act of speaking blessings. It is a foundation stone for successful family and community living." Of the many blessings she has listed in her book, there is not a blessing on gentleness, but there is a blessing of assurance which I think aligns well with our topic this week.

In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with assurance that God will search for you if you are lost and will bind you up if you are broken and will strengthen you if you are sick. Indeed, He will always be seeking you as one of His sheep, and He will deliver you to a safe place if you wander off the right pathway.

He will never leave you or forsake you; the Lord is your helper, so do not fear. May you, the beloved of the Lord, rest securely in Him who surrounds you with His loving care and preserves you from every harm. 

You may be sure that God will do what He has promised.

2. Try an activity that explains gentleness to your kids.

Rephrase your sentences.     Our house can be pretty noisy. I am convinced that Zachary loves to make a ton of noise just to see how long it will take to drive his parents crazy. One of his current pastimes is opening the kitchen drawers and slamming them closed. It scares the heck out of me every time. Instead of yelling at him to knock it off (which I sometimes do), I try to reinforce the behavior that I want to see. I generally say something like this, "Oohh, that was loud! Can you show me how you close that drawer gently?" And every time, he opens the drawers and closes it gently with a proud smile, and of course we make a big deal about what a wonderful job he did and how I could hardly hear the drawer close! Maybe the first few times, show your child what gently looks like and then ask him/her to mimic that behavior.

Go to a petting zoo.     Zachary, like most toddlers, loves animals. His favorite animals are our pets,

Here is Zachary, sitting on our cat, not showing gentleness.

our dog Bruce and our cat Olivia. We seriously have the most patient and loving pets. Sometimes, Zachary can be found laying next to Olivia, sucking his thumb and letting her furry tail tickle his toes. Other times, Zachary can be found filling Bruce's food bowl and then calling for "Brucie-Bruce" to come for dinner. And then there are the times where Zachary is not so gentle, like when he his trying to run Bruce over with his toy lawn mower and poor Bruce rings the bells to go outside only to take a nap on the warm (and quiet) patio. Olivia seems to be a glutton for punishment because even though she could get away from Zachary, she chooses to stay and allows for him to sit on her or try to herd her around the house. Kids don't always know what attributes like the fruits of the Spirit look like. They need to be modeled for them. When you want your child to be gentle, tell them what that looks like. For example, "Zachary, Olivia probably doesn't like it when you throw your football at her face. That probably hurts her. Can you show me how to love on Olivia gently? Maybe we could give her some scratchies?" Animals are a great way to teach kids about gentleness. Find a petting zoo and allow your kiddos to practice gentle touch with the animals. 

3.  Weekly Scripture Challenge.

Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to so too!

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."
Colossians 3:12

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about gentleness? I would love to hear them!