Family Stick Figures

If you know my dad at all, you would know that saying he is a car buff would be an understatement. I grew up with my dad giving my sister and I basic "rules" for our cars. Number one, wash your car regularly. Number two, check your oil often. Number three, NEVER put stickers on your car. I will be honest, rules number one and two were not always on my radar. **Side Note: I hate checking my oil and would only do it when I got the 'Dad-Look.' Now that I live on my own, I don't even know the last time I personally checked my oil. Eek!** However, rule number three has always stuck with me. I would MAYBE put one sticker on my car if I thought it was super cool and worthy enough to break my rule. I feel the same way about tattoos. Needless to say I do not have a sticker on my car nor do I have a tattoo. It might be a fear of commitment of ink . . . that might be another blog topic.

Getting back to the issue at hand, I think in general bumper stickers devalue your car. It's a personal opinion . . . not to be confused with my personal taboo facts; i.e. socks with sandals, ketchup on hotdogs, etc. Lately Troy and I have been noticing the family stick figure stickers, generally on mini vans and the giant SUVs that scream, "I will plow you over if you make me late for my kid's soccer game." I am sure you've seen them. They are ridiculous. As if the bumper sticker that said, "My kid's on the Honor Roll at Orland Jr High School" wasn't geeky enough, the bumper sticker companies decided to up the ante. They have become more versatile now, too. I have seen sea turtles, smilie faces, even flip flops depicting each member of the family. Sometimes you'll even get their surname underneath. Giant white letters, letting you know who you can call by name should you decided to chuck water balloons at their car. "Take this middle, sized girl in the Smith Family!"

You can also get them custom designed so you can share with the perfect strangers you are driving past, some of your favorite hobbies. "Hmm, I see that the oldest Miller boy in that Dodge Caravan is interested in skiing. Wow, I will never get those five seconds back that I wasted thinking about that." Anyone who has a pet will know that you can't leave them out of the family equation, so you can choose your furry or slimy creature who has touched your heart - alive or dead, yes, I'm serious. Anything from the family favorite Fido to ferrets, hedgehogs and goats can be added as a decal. Which brings me to another question, who the heck has a hedgehog for a pet? Or a goat for that matter? So many comments, so little Google gigabytes to collect them.

I decided to look into designing a decal for my family. I made Troy a super hero because it's awesome and I think he would look great in a cape. I made me a hula dancer because I rock at the hula and then of course I had to add Olivia and Molly. I also wanted to include our beloved goldfish, McCain, may he rest in peace due to a stressful evening where my friend, Becca may have been the cause of his demise. The best part was designing the figures and I have to say, that was mildly amusing, but I am certainly not going to cough up the $38.75 plus shipping and handling to become another lame-o on the road with an overpriced sticker.

All this to say, when I see you driving down the road with your stick family plastered to your rear window, you should know I am making fun of you . . . openly. Does this make me a better person? Absolutely not. But it does help to build up my endorphins and is amusing for me. Just know when you order those stick figure stickers, baby on board signs, honor roll awareness stickers, etc, and stick them on your car, you are a heartbeat away from wearing white Keds, a jean skirt and a fanny pack, driving around in a mini van. If that isn't enough to snap you back to reality, heaven help you, it may be too late.