Today has been one of those days when I question everything
about my parenting. It has been one of those days when I have been
crying right alongside my toddlers. It has been one of those days when I
pray I can just make it to nap time. I love my babies but this mommin'
stuff ain't easy. My threenager has decided that he wants to run the show and my 18 month old won't let me do anything out of her sight, so much so that we call her a gorilla baby since she hangs on to me like those baby gorillas at the zoo hang on to their mamas. This is a very hard stage for us. The hardest we have had thus far. Some days we come out fairly unscathed, but today was a day that made me put on my war paint and I was tempted to wave the white flag.
Unfortunately, due to temper tantrums and melt downs, I was unable to go grocery shopping yesterday so I had to go today, but this morning was like the movie Groundhog Day and I was doomed to repeat the mayhem of the day before. I buckled everyone into car seats and said a silent prayer that the change of scenery would do us all some good. We made it through the store in record time and fairly good behavior. I went to check out and as the cashier was handing me my receipt, the women behind me asked if my children liked M&M's. Was this a trick question? Then she hands me a bag and tells the cashier she will be purchasing that for us. She told me sometimes
people did that for her when her kids were little. Through teary eyes I thanked her. I mumbled about how hard our day was and she smiled
and nodded back to me as I tried to corral my toddler posse and head out
to the car. I tried to use this as an opportunity to teach Zachary the
importance of loving others the way that woman loved on us, but I
couldn't help but feel like that bag of M&M's was really an encouraging way for the Lord to tell me that He's got me. It was a way to tell me, that I am doing a good job and to keep pressing on.
Isaiah 40:11 says, "He tends to his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he
gently leads those that have young." This has been my favorite verse
since I became a parent because basically what Isaiah is saying here in
fancy Biblical terms is that God knows that mommin' ain't easy, otherwise
why would He be to tender with "those that have young?"
When I woke up today, God was with me. When my son threw a tantrum so big that he wet himself, God was with us. When my daughter pitched a fit on the floor and had herself a diva moment, God was with us. When I started to believe the lies that I can't do this, God was with me.
Truthfully, I have no idea what I am doing. I try new parenting
strategies on a weekly basis. I have books on parenting piled on my nightstand. I read blogs and pick my friends' brains on how their families operate. I try to gather all my intel and proceed with a plan of attack but most of the
time I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants and many times, I
react out of anger - and if we are being honest, pride. But I have the access to the Most Holy God who empowers me to do the job He has called me to fulfill, being a mama. I need to remember that more often.
Zachary, Sadie and I shared that bag of M&M's after
lunch and Zachary wanted to know why that sweet woman gave them to us. I told
him it was because she wanted to show us some love. Sometimes love is hard. Love is not a butterflies-in-our-stomach feeling. Love is not just saying the words. Love is an action.
Love is a choice. Buying that candy and handing it to me was an act of
love. Disciplining my children is an act of love. Reading books and playing that Blaze and the Monster Machines game with Zachary for the upteenth time is an act of love. Sending someone to encourage me on a hard day of parenting is an act of love.
As I reflected on the day, I realized that though these are hard days, God's got me. He loves me more than I can fathom. God’s got my children too. He loves them more than I do. I can't screw them up if I seek his wisdom because He can right any wrong.
