The El Camino Effect

Troy and I drove up to Maple Grove today and on the way I saw a guy driving an El Camino. My sister always talked about how she wanted one of the those cars and I was telling that to Troy. He commented on how weird the car looked which made me laugh because that is one of the reasons why Laura likes it so much. I mean, half truck, half car . . . it's the best of both worlds! So, I am laughing and pointing at the El Camino, picturing Laura driving it and singing Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves by Cher, and then we drove right past the car. It was only when I made eye contact with the driver while I was laughing and pointing that I realized . . . he can see me. I have decided to call this . . . The El Camino Effect.

The El Camino Effect is what makes us think we are invisible in our vehicles. I know that most people feel that way because I am always seeing people pick their noses. (The worse is when someone picks their nose and then inspect it. Gag. Gag. Gag.) Or people are pretending they are in a Bono music video. I myself have rocked many a concert in the driver seat of my little G6. I swear, I have zero reservations about that either. Most people seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that their vehicles are not tinted, Pope-mobiles. I include myself in that group. Simply put, it is The El Camino Effect in full bloom.

It is kind of like when people walk past a mirror. This would be the sister effect which I have now dubbed, The Mirror Effect. (I know, it's not as catchy as The El Camino Effect. I am willing to take suggestions for this one.) Have you ever stopped to watch that? Their pace may not change, but their countenance does. Eyebrows raise, lips become slightly pursed, some do a little hair-flick, all for that moment that they see their reflection. Sometimes I purposely try not to look in the mirror as I walk by. It's another small victory. It is sort of like saying, "Hey Mirror, I know you want me to look at me in you, but I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna purse my lips." That is me dominating The Mirror Effect.

There you go folks, a little Pam-Sense psychology. This one is free of charge.

Gum Smackers and Whistle Blowers

There are obvious behaviors that are not appropriate in public: loud burping, socks with sandals, foul language (especially around the ladies) but there are some things that we find ourselves doing often and may not realize the unpleasant effect they may have on others.

Someone at work was whistling today. My first thought was, "That's super annoying." To be honest, I may have even rolled my eyes. (Side Note: I have a bad habit of rolling my eyes. Sometimes I don't even know I am doing it. That's no bueno.) Fast forward to this afternoon. I was sweeping the floors in preparation for a good mopping session and I found myself whistling. I immediately thought of the whistling woman from earlier in the afternoon and then I had a small epiphany - also known as Pam Sense. I realized that whistling is one of the many things we do which are perfectly acceptable while we are in the act and completely aggravating if done by someone else.

Similar actions would also include (but are not limited to) humming and singing sans music. Now, I am a hummer, by nature. I often have songs stuck in my head and I have found that when I am in a bad mood, sometimes singing or humming helps me out of the rut. I do try to do so quietly enough so nobody can hear me because I know how irritating it can be. In general, I can tolerate most of the quiet humming/singing, but why is it some people feel the need to sing out loud at a normal decimal when they are out in public? My theory is that they are hoping that American Idol and Candid Camera are planning on merging into one television show that they will be "found" in the middle of Barnes and Noble while perusing the classics. But that's just a theory.

Gum smacking is another act to follow this rule. When someone is chomping on a slab of gum and they are smacking their jaw up and down, resembling that of a cow chewing her curd, it is repulsive. However, there is something satisfying about smacking on a piece of Bubble Yum Bubble Gum (especially if it is grape flavored!) when it is done yourself. Sometimes when I am by myself, I will purposely smack my gum in the most annoyingly delightful way. The whole time I think about how Troy would hate it if he were there. (He hates gum smacking like I hate socks with sandals.) Blowing bubbles would be another. When you see someone who continually blows bubbles with gum, there is a small part of you that wants to see it get stuck on their face . . . or is that just me? However, once you blow a bubble yourself, you wonder if you can make your next one bigger and then you just can't stop.

Well kids, the moral of the story is that we all do stuff that makes people want to tear their hair out. Just try to do it in the comfort and concealed area that is your home. Unless you are smacking your gum . . . then share a piece with me and we can be cows together.

Imaginary Rock Star

Confession time: I am a rock star. Of course, when I am rocking out my music videos . . . what I really mean is, I am singing really loud . . . to the radio in the car . . . by myself. And I guess if we are being honest here . . . my recording studio is really just . . . my shower . . . when Troy's not home.

You might think I am popping some crazy pills over here, but I know for a fact that I am not the only one who does this. Who doesn't like to belt out their favorite song when they are alone in the car? And anyone can sound fantastic in the shower! I produce my best stuff in there! Seriously, the acoustics really are decent. Anyone who claims they have never done this had better have an extinguisher handy because his/her pants are on fire. Yeah, that's right, I'm calling you posers out!

Of course, singing alone is way less scary than singing in public. I am painfully shy when it comes to performing, and the thought of singing in front of people makes me want to barf. I took vocal lessons for a few years and there was a recital at the end of the semester. It was just me and a piano on a big stage in front of about fifty people. Of course, I am really critical of myself and one time after I sang my song, I walked right off the stage and made a bee-line for the ladies room where I bawled my eyes out because I was so embarrassed that I messed up on six notes. My parents recorded the performance for me, per my request, so I could study my singing "plays" like I was in the NFL. When I finally got the courage to watch it, I realized that I could really only hear three mistakes and my parents said they didn't hear any. But of course, they are my parents. The rules say they have to tell me that. Bless their little hearts.

So, long story short, when Troy went out with the guys and I went to run some errands, you better believe I was in my car singing my heart out winning over "my fans" with my melodious harmonies. **Side Note: Does anybody else have this strange sense of invisible security when they are in the car? Could this be the cause of our music videos? Another blog topic?** And when I went to take a shower, I was laying down some wicked-hot tracks which are sure to be overnight hits! My records are really hard to find in stores, but that's probably okay because I know you are too busy with your own music career in your car or shower. Hey, break a leg out there. Maybe our tour buses will meet up some time.

New Washer and Dryer Day

Last week, we had to buy a new washer and dryer. Our dryer would randomly suck up clothes and leave a nice little burn that looked like a skid mark on the clothes. If I soaked the clothing in Oxi-Clean, the stain would come out, but then I would have to rewash and dry the clothes again, praying that another burn mark wouldn't show up. This was probably a humongous fire hazard but I guess we were hoping that someday our dryer would make amends with us. It never did. Then last week, I put a load of laundry in the washer. When I went back to put them in the dryer, I found a little pool in our laundry room. That was the straw the broke the camel's back. The following Sunday we bought our new washer and dryer and we specifically choose one that would not pee on the floor or poop on our clothes.

Today was the day the washer and dryer would come home to live with us. When I heard the truck pull up into our driveway, I shouted, "They're here!!" and I ran to the door to greet Roberto with a big smile and friendly hello as if he were family. "I'm here to deliver and washer and dryer," Roberto said matter-of-factly. "Yes! Yes! That's us!!" I replied, eagerly. I showed him to the laundry room which actually only entailed me pointed to my right since the laundry room is directly off the front hall. Roberto, after looking at the tight laundry room and stack-able washer and dryer that he would soon be removing, slumped his shoulders and said, "Well, this should be fun." Umm, thanks a lot, Roberto. You're ruining New Washer and Dryer Day.

After a quick switch-a-roo and test run of the washer, Roberto left me and Troy to spend some time alone with our new appliances. It was a little overwhelming because of all the buttons, but these pieces of machinery are beautiful and I already gave them a hug. I quickly threw a load of laundry in the washer and we pushed all the fancy buttons to make it operate how we wanted. Then we sat on the floor with a flash light watching the maiden wash cycle to see what was going on in there. I wish I could tell you that I was joking, but I'm not. We seriously did this. And we enjoyed it. We aren't the only ones who like our new toys. The first time we opened the front load washer door, our cat, Olivia, jumped in and made herself comfortable. It was pretty cute.

I have now been doing laundry all afternoon and will be continuing to do so into the evening. Partly because I love my new friends but mostly because our old washer died when our dirty clothes basket was already at its highest peak. I have three weeks of dirty clothes, towels, and sheets to clean. I didn't realize how desperate we were getting with clean clothes supply until I put away some of Troy's clean boxers. He only had three clean pairs left!! Looks like that washer and dryer came just in time!! Whew!

The best part about the new washer and dryer is that when the cycle is compete, it sings to you! I'm serious. Our old dryer would make this horrendous buzzing sound, but the washer and the dryer both play this cheerful little melody when the cycle is done! It also plays a little tune when you turn it on! I love it. Also, there are tons of buttons and they light up!! Plus there is a digital timer to tell you how much longer til the clothes are done! It's awesome. Troy and I only wish that there were lights on the inside of them though. Maybe a little disco ball? A strobe light? Another awesome thing about the washer is that it is energy efficient, so basically I am saving the world every time I do a load. You're welcome.

Well, I have to get going now. I just heard my dryer sing to me . . . I think the new washer and dryer love living here as much as we love having them. I can't be sure, but I think they hugged me back earlier today . . .

Awesome Things Thought by Pam

One of my favorite blogs to follow is called 1000 Awesome Things. My friend, Kelsey introduced it to me. Every day, it lists something new that is, well . . . awesome. They can range from being the only person on the beach, to picking things up with your feet. It is definitely right up my alley and almost every time I read it, I think to myself, 'Yeah, that really is awesome!' I thought I would piggy back off of that blog and jot down a few things that are worthy enough to be Awesome Things Thought by Pam. I feel like I should tell you too that I have really put some good thought in this blog, as I have added to it over several days to make sure I have included really awesome stuff. If that doesn't scream commitment to my ten fans, I don't know what does.

1. Rain and Overpasses. I love it when you are driving in the middle of a rainstorm and the windshield wipers are cruising back and forth in their rhythmic dance. You start to wonder how hard the rain really is coming down because you are driving fast. Then you get to an overpass and for three glorious seconds everything is calm and quiet. Your windshield wipers are finally able to catch up with their work. You see how hard those droplets are flinging themselves toward the ground while you are in the brief safety of the overpass. Things move in slow motion. And then you drive through your cover back into the storm and the noise. I love those three seconds of stillness.

2. Fresh Cut Flowers. Most men think these are a big, fat waste of money . . . men like my husband. And I can see his point. They live for a short amount of time and then you have to throw them away. But most women see them as a chivalrous gesture that means that at one point during your man's day, you were on his mind and so much so that he thought to buy something for you that was completely for your enjoyment only. When Troy buys me flowers, I really make the most of it. I carry that vase into whichever room I'm in. Most of the day, they live on our dining room table because that is where the majority of the action is. But I have brought them into the kitchen on occasion to look at them while I'm cooking and also carried them into our spare bedroom if I am reading. Then, every night, I clutch that vase and trod upstairs to our room where they spend the night on our nightstand. I just think they are so cheerful.

3. Hugs. This one might surprise some of you who know me well because I am not a touchy-feely person . . . well, just not with anyone. I am a choosy-touchy-feely person. My friends in high school would tease me about my "side hugs," (where I would only extend out one arm and only our hips would touch) and they would sometimes demand a "full hug." But I can't deny that sometimes, all you need is a good hug from someone you care about. Troy knows this is therapeutic for me and now knows the routine, but when we were first married, I would tell him I needed a hug and he would hold me for a normal amount of time and start to pull away. Sometimes you need to biggie-size that hug, and I would tell him that I needed more time. Now, he waits for me to get my hug-fix. Sometimes you need a mom hug. Or a friend hug. Or a cat hug. Sometimes I feel like a lame-o asking for hugs, but I've never been rejected so far. Probably because I have only asked a select few of you. No offense to those who have not been asked. Maybe your turn is soon. Keep your fingers crossed!

4. Bonus Soups or Salads. Isn't it the best when you go to a restaurant, order your meal and find out via the menu or your server that your meal includes a soup or salad? It is like free food, even though I am sure that iceberg lettuce is included in the price. I love that! Maybe that is one of the reasons why I love Olive Garden so much. Umm, yes, I'll choose the soup, thank you - zuppa tuscana please - and keep those bread sticks coming! Now, this could mean that I don't go to "fancy" restaurants enough or I am just easily amused and judging by this blog and the fact that I know myself, I think it's the later.

5. Hotel Rooms and Husbands. I remember on our wedding night when Troy and I got to our hotel and were checking in. I am embarrassed to say that I purposely put my hands on the counter top so that the woman would know (if she were to see my ring) that we were married, so it was totally okay for her to allow these two, young wipper-snappers to co-habit in a hotel room. I am sure she appreciated my thoughtfulness to passively inform her because I bet my giant, white, wedding dress and Troy's crisp tuxedo didn't tip her off at all. Now, when we stay in hotels, sans wedding attire, I always feel little giddy and end up saying to Troy, "I'm in a hotel room with a boy!" I hope that never gets old.

6. New Shampoo. It doesn't matter what the shampoo promises you on its bottle. It doesn't matter if you bought it on sale, with a coupon, or on a whim. New shampoo is awesome and always the highlight of my next shower session. I am always convinced that this new addition to my grooming tactics makes my hair look shinier, straighter, curlier, or what-have-you. Plus, it has a different scent than your old shampoo, so when you flip your hair or turn your head quickly, you get a whiff and for a split second you think someone is following you too closely. Then you realize it's your new shampoo and you continue to strut your stuff.

7. Clapping in Unison. My sister-in-law, Tricia, was in a community theater play this summer. (She was captivating the role as Mrs. Bucket in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.) After the show, the orchestra was playing the upbeat theme song while the actors were taking their bows. The audience was clapping randomly - until suddenly, the audience started clapping in unison with the beat of the music. It was awesome! It was almost like my hands found the rhythm before my head realized it. It felt like there was a sort of magic that fell over the whole audience and I thought to myself, I love this.

8. Closet 'NSYNC fans and Dances. Maybe you hate pop music. Maybe you think that Brittney, Jessica and Christina are really just blond vacuums whose voices are designed by a computer. Whatever your reason for hating the pop music scene, I have your number. You are the same people who run out to the dance floor when 'Bye, Bye, Bye' comes pumping through the speakers at the dance/wedding/party you're attending. Let's face it, everyone is a closet pop music fan, and it is almost the great music equalizer because it seems as though everybody knows the words and music of these teeny bopper idols. Any apprehensions are melted away and everyone dances and sings along. I love that. Of course tomorrow, the lines in the sand are drawn again, but for now, 'Oops! I Did it Again' and yes, I know the dance.

9. Singing when you don't know the words. I love it when I am in the car with someone and a song comes on that almost anyone who doesn't live in a cave would recognize, but there are some parts where you don't know all the words. You obviously still want to sing, but your voice gets a bit softer and you try to fake out some muffled syllables in hopes of fooling your friends, only to find out that they are doing the same thing!! A great example would be Benny and the Jets by Elton John. I don't think I know anyone who knows all the words. It usually goes something like "She's got electric boobs, a mow-hair zeus, you know I read it in a mag-ah-zee-eennn, oh, oh . . . ." And then everyone jumps in, "B-B-B-Benny and the Jetsssssss." I love that.

10. Back Scratches and Beauty Shops. Don't you love that feeling when someone starts to scratch your back? Your eye lids become heavy and the conversation gets hazy . . . you almost feel like you are going to melt. Or how about when someone plays with your hair? Oh my gosh, it's like the same feeling as getting your back scratched, but I swear, I get goosebumps on my head. I remember in my first grade class, the girls always played with each others hair and my teacher would tell us to 'stop with the beauty shop.' When I watch my students now, they still play with each others hair . . . and when I am lucky, sometimes mine! I have to say, it is EXTREMELY hard to tell the girls playing with my hair to get back to their school work. I usually let them play for a little bit . . . I mean, all work and no play, right?


So, there you go folks. Ten things that I think are awesome and I bet you will resonate with at least a couple of them. If you think of another awesome thing that you think people might not have pondered about, comment on this blog. When I get enough, I will post another blog about more awesome things with credit to you on the awesome thing you shared.