The June Cleaver Hipster Traits

June Cleaver would never wear bell bottoms, rock rose-colors sun glasses or don peace beads. June was not a hippie and I never thought I was either. This week I was labeled a hippie, and while I have never smoked pot in a room with scarves over lamps or burned my bra in a war protest, I feel like there is a part of me that can identify with that label. Though I thought I would be classified as more of a modern June Clever, perhaps I also encompass a modern hippie. So, I have decided to make a list which combines my two traits. I will call it, The June Cleaver Hipster Traits.

Trait #1: I love to make meals from scratch. They taste better and I think it is fun. I know I have told you that it is not uncommon to see me working in the kitchen with an apron on, hunched over my most prized, kitchen possession, my Kitchen Aid Mixer. (Seriously, if our house was on fire, I would maybe run into the burning building for that.) However, I like to make these meals with quality foods and sometimes, I do go the organic route. Those pesticides freak me out, and I can't stop thinking about how they were made to kill bugs, so what is that doing to me? Quite honestly, if we could afford it, I would maybe go 100% organic. How's that for hippie?

Trait #2: I love to be outside. I get rejuvenated from creation. **Side Note: when I was in college, there was a hill that was between our undergrad campus and our seminary at Bethel. The hill is known to students as Sem Hill. There is a bonfire pit up there, and a few benches and it is just beautiful. When I would get stressed out with classes or roommates, I would go up there by myself and just relax. In the summer, I love to go on bike rides and walks rather than drive my car, and I love to go camping. But you will never see me in a pair of Chacos. I am not that granola. I realized that this one sentence might alienate me from many of my Minnesotan friends, but let's be honest, you know me. I am more likely to rock out a pair of Mary Jane Crocs than Chacos. June Cleaver wouldn't wear them, and I won't either.

Trait #3: Speaking of footwear, my latest obsession is with Toms. Toms are canvas shoes that are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned in my life. I cannot say enough awesome things about these shoes. The coolest part about Toms are that with every pair of shoes you buy, Toms donates a pair of shoes to a child in a third world country. It is fantastic. So, every time you buy something from them, you're also helping others. I have two pairs right now, and they are my favorite shoes, not only because they are cute and comfortable, but because it feels good to know that you are paying it forward. June Cleaver would definitely be down with that.

Trait #4: On Thursday, the night custodian came into our classroom to collect the trash. Next to the recycling bin was an empty plastic container that use to house animal crackers. The custodian had two garbage cans that he pushed into our class, but they looked the exact same, so I assumed they were both for trash. When he threw the container into one of his bins, I alarmingly informed him that the container can be recycled!! He then told me that was his recycling bin. I felt kind of stupid, but I am pretty into to recycling. Troy has been also. He even brings home his empty, plastic containers to recycle them at home. What a good green husband! Some people may think that recycling is granola, but going green saves energy which in turn saves money and keeps things nice for the next generation. June wouldn't want Wally or Beav's kids to be playing in a dump, so she would definitely be on board for the three Rs, reduce, reuse, recycle!

Anyway, even after I write this, I realize my friend who called me a hippie, was right. I don't think I ever thought about it before, but I guess I am and you know what? I am gosh, darn cool with that. As long as I can still be classy like June and wear my pearls and apron with my Toms.

The El Camino Effect

Troy and I drove up to Maple Grove today and on the way I saw a guy driving an El Camino. My sister always talked about how she wanted one of the those cars and I was telling that to Troy. He commented on how weird the car looked which made me laugh because that is one of the reasons why Laura likes it so much. I mean, half truck, half car . . . it's the best of both worlds! So, I am laughing and pointing at the El Camino, picturing Laura driving it and singing Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves by Cher, and then we drove right past the car. It was only when I made eye contact with the driver while I was laughing and pointing that I realized . . . he can see me. I have decided to call this . . . The El Camino Effect.

The El Camino Effect is what makes us think we are invisible in our vehicles. I know that most people feel that way because I am always seeing people pick their noses. (The worse is when someone picks their nose and then inspect it. Gag. Gag. Gag.) Or people are pretending they are in a Bono music video. I myself have rocked many a concert in the driver seat of my little G6. I swear, I have zero reservations about that either. Most people seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that their vehicles are not tinted, Pope-mobiles. I include myself in that group. Simply put, it is The El Camino Effect in full bloom.

It is kind of like when people walk past a mirror. This would be the sister effect which I have now dubbed, The Mirror Effect. (I know, it's not as catchy as The El Camino Effect. I am willing to take suggestions for this one.) Have you ever stopped to watch that? Their pace may not change, but their countenance does. Eyebrows raise, lips become slightly pursed, some do a little hair-flick, all for that moment that they see their reflection. Sometimes I purposely try not to look in the mirror as I walk by. It's another small victory. It is sort of like saying, "Hey Mirror, I know you want me to look at me in you, but I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna purse my lips." That is me dominating The Mirror Effect.

There you go folks, a little Pam-Sense psychology. This one is free of charge.

Gum Smackers and Whistle Blowers

There are obvious behaviors that are not appropriate in public: loud burping, socks with sandals, foul language (especially around the ladies) but there are some things that we find ourselves doing often and may not realize the unpleasant effect they may have on others.

Someone at work was whistling today. My first thought was, "That's super annoying." To be honest, I may have even rolled my eyes. (Side Note: I have a bad habit of rolling my eyes. Sometimes I don't even know I am doing it. That's no bueno.) Fast forward to this afternoon. I was sweeping the floors in preparation for a good mopping session and I found myself whistling. I immediately thought of the whistling woman from earlier in the afternoon and then I had a small epiphany - also known as Pam Sense. I realized that whistling is one of the many things we do which are perfectly acceptable while we are in the act and completely aggravating if done by someone else.

Similar actions would also include (but are not limited to) humming and singing sans music. Now, I am a hummer, by nature. I often have songs stuck in my head and I have found that when I am in a bad mood, sometimes singing or humming helps me out of the rut. I do try to do so quietly enough so nobody can hear me because I know how irritating it can be. In general, I can tolerate most of the quiet humming/singing, but why is it some people feel the need to sing out loud at a normal decimal when they are out in public? My theory is that they are hoping that American Idol and Candid Camera are planning on merging into one television show that they will be "found" in the middle of Barnes and Noble while perusing the classics. But that's just a theory.

Gum smacking is another act to follow this rule. When someone is chomping on a slab of gum and they are smacking their jaw up and down, resembling that of a cow chewing her curd, it is repulsive. However, there is something satisfying about smacking on a piece of Bubble Yum Bubble Gum (especially if it is grape flavored!) when it is done yourself. Sometimes when I am by myself, I will purposely smack my gum in the most annoyingly delightful way. The whole time I think about how Troy would hate it if he were there. (He hates gum smacking like I hate socks with sandals.) Blowing bubbles would be another. When you see someone who continually blows bubbles with gum, there is a small part of you that wants to see it get stuck on their face . . . or is that just me? However, once you blow a bubble yourself, you wonder if you can make your next one bigger and then you just can't stop.

Well kids, the moral of the story is that we all do stuff that makes people want to tear their hair out. Just try to do it in the comfort and concealed area that is your home. Unless you are smacking your gum . . . then share a piece with me and we can be cows together.