Cashier Craziness

I had to make a Target run this afternoon to get the supplies I needed to make spaghetti sauce for the family I nanny. **Side Note: I don't do that Prego crap. I am hard core . . . well, when it comes to spaghetti sauce.** I usually love Target runs because I like to go down almost every isle and touch all the merchandise . . . basically doing everything that annoys Troy enough that he hardly ever shops with me. However, today I was on a mission. There was no time for lolly-gagging. I only went down the isles that housed the items I needed and then I booked it to the cash registers. **Important Side Note: I am terrible at choosing cashiers. I always pick the really slow one who has to do a price check on pickles that takes forever which then forces me to move to another register ONLY to find out the pickle boy was finally able to complete his transaction and I got caught in another price check dilemma. My problem could also be due to my lack of patience . . . naw, let's blame others for our woes . . . ** Anywho, there was a woman in front of me who also looked as though she was on a mission. She only had a few items on the conveyor belt and was ready with her credit card in hand to swipe for her goods and move on with her day . . . or so she thought. The cashier, while polite, was also not able to pick up on her customer's urgency. Here is how the dialogue went:

(picture it as painfully slow)

Cashier: Hello. How are you today?
Woman: Fine.
Cashier: Would you like paper or plastic?
Woman: Umm, whatever.
Cashier: So, are you having a good day?
Woman: Yes.
Cashier: Anything exciting planned?
Woman: Umm, nope.
Cashier: Just taking it easy today?
Woman: Uh, yeah.
Cashier: Well, here is your receipt. Would you like to hold on to it or should I put it in the bag?
Woman: (Practically snatching the receipt out of her hand.) I'll take it. Thanks. (Mad dash for the door.)

So, now it is my turn, and after lingering her attention towards the woman who is making her way to the door, Target Girl turns her attention to me . . . and begins to have the exact same conversation with me as she did with the woman previous - and I mean EXACT. I realized it when she got to the part about having "anything exciting planned for today." I seriously almost let out one of those pretentious nasal chortles that informs the other person that they have made a comment that is ridiculous. (Thankfully I didn't. I would have been ashamed of myself for being so rude, but it was a close one.) I told her no and was met with the same response as the previous woman. Then as she is bagging my items, she tweaks her scripted dialogue:

Target Girl/Cashier: Wow, you have a lot of tomato products here.
Me: Umm, yeah, I am making sauce.
Target Girl: Hmm. What kind of sauce?
Me: (At this point I am wondering if she has been sniffing too much bleach in the cleaning section, but I still respond.) Spaghetti sauce.
Target Girl: Oh.

I was glad that I wasn't buying tampons at this particular visit. I could just see Target Girl comment on my purchases then! "Oh, I see you are currently or soon will be on your menstruation cycle. Hmm, lights, that must be nice. I see you prefer the unscented Pearls . . . ."

Honestly, I walked out of Target kinda annoyed at this girl, and then I realized she was only guilty of being polite. Unfortunately, it came across as fake and scripted. Maybe that is why I was annoyed. I hate it when people are being fake. I mean, I didn't need her to lay down all her problems onto me, but a simple 'hello' and 'have a nice day' would suffice if you can't think of anything genuine to say.

Now, I don't mean to brag (brush shoulders off) but I was a cashier at Ace Hardware when I was in high school and . . . (ahem) head cashier at that. I know, awesome. And I have to say, I loved that job. It was fun seeing new people walking through all day. But, if I was having an off day, I wouldn't force my customers to stand there and chat with me, especially when they have a busy day ahead of them. I can't even imagine if I had a customer come through with something like a plunger and then had a 'Target Girl Conversation.' "Wow, you must have clogged up your toilet, huh? Gross. Did you maybe have Mexican for dinner last night? Maybe next time try a courtesy flush?"

There is a cashier at the Wendy's near our house and he - is - awesome. Troy gave him the nick-name Radio Man because when you pull up to the box where you give you order, you swear you've won something from a radio station. This is because his voice is so animated. We always do a silent fist pump when we hear his famously, cheerful voice and also try to choke back the laughs because he really is super excited to work at Wendy's on Central Ave after 9pm. He always enthusiastically tries to sell us on whatever the manager has decided to feature that week and I swear to you, I almost think about changing my order because of Radio Man's marketing. Now, here is a cashier who is genuine and doesn't make you want to run for the hills. One time, I went through the drive through feeling crabby and Radio Man was so awesome, he made me laugh out loud with his antics. I mean, belly laughs. I drove home instantly cured. That is the kind of effect Radio Man has.

Lessons Learned Today:
1. Don't be a weird cashier. (Obviously not applicable for those not currently working as a cashier.)
2. I was awesome while working at Ace Hardware.
3. Radio Man is better than Prozac.