Kindness

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22

Most parents, whether they are Christians or not, would say that they want their children to be kind. Kindness is a character trait that is taught in classrooms across the globe and many religions center around this attribute as well. Aesop said, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, was ever wasted." Anne Frank wrote, "No one has ever become poor by giving." And the 14th Dalai Lama was quoted, "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace." All of these things are true. Kindness is defined as a quality of being friendly, generous and considerate with care and concern for others. We use kindness as a synonym for "nice" but I think the Bible teaches us that kindness is much more than that.

Ephesians 2:4-10 says, "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." 

Go back and read what I italicized. These verses makes me want to cry because what Paul is saying here is that God loved us so much, that even though we are sinful beings, he "expressed in his kindness" how he still wants to have a relationship with us. He accomplished this by sending his Son to die for our sins. All of them. My sins, your sins, even that obnoxious person who drives you crazy - yep, his/her sins too. Not only that, but all of our sins are pardoned. Psalm 103:12 says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." You might notice that this verse doesn't say, "he has removed only the easy to forgive transgressions from us." That's because in God's eyes, sin is sin. No one sin is greater than another - it's just all bad. So God's kindness is his forgiveness, which is offered to every one of us.

God extends this kindness to us in the form of forgiveness and if the Lord is able to forgive all sins, then we too need to be able to forgive those who wrong us - and not just the easy sins, but the heart-wrenching ones too. In my post about love, I talked about when Jesus told a parable of a servant who owes his master a dept. The master forgives the debt but then the servant turns around and demands the debt of a fellow servant. The master finds out and is furious that this servant didn't show the same mercy that he had just received and jails him until he is able to repay his -now reinstated- debt (Matthew 18:21-34). Afterward (verse 35), Jesus tells his disciples "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." Oh geeze. I don't know about you, but that verse makes me uneasy because there are lots of things that I don't want to forgive. I have been hurt in ways that are still raw to me and I don't want to give my forgiveness away . . . but I certainly want to be on the receiving end of the Lord's forgiveness. When we do that, we are being hypocritical. We can't have our cake and eat it too when it comes to harboring resentment.

Jesus doesn't discriminate against sin. He forgives all. We need to do that too. Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." We need to forgive, because the Bible tells us to but also because our little ones are watching our every move and the "Do as I say, not as I do" parenting technique is a thing of the past. We are their model. We are being watched all day, every day and how we respond to situations shows our children how we really think a conflict should be solved and it shows them that we practice what we preach.

Weekly Parent Goal:
1. Forgive and forget.

There is only one parent goal for this week because it is a hefty one. We need to practice forgiveness. Go above and beyond what our society says kindness looks like and use the Lord's definition of kindness; forgive and then let it go. This is a hard task and is going to take much longer than a week to practice - it is going to take a lifetime. Start with those that are easy to love - your spouse and your kids. When they leave their underwear in the bathroom for the 400th time, spill the milk all over the floor or tell you they hate you because you did something they didn't like - forgive them even if they didn't say they were sorry. Then practice forgiveness with friends, next acquaintances and finally strangers. When Jesus was dying on the cross, he told his Father to forgive those who put him there - even though they felt no remorse about their actions (Luke 23:32-38). When those excuses of why you don't need to forgive start to enter your mind, stop and reflect on how God forgives all, so we need to do so as well. Of course this is still no easy task. Those feelings of anger and resentment will start mixing inside you and in those times take a minute to ask the Lord to help you to love your wrongdoer as He loves and ask Him to help you forgive. Afterwards, consider it finished. Do not bring up the act again. Guilt trips are beneficial to no one. They are tempting for sure, because your pride is bruised but they are a manipulative way of getting people to carry out your own selfish ambitions.

This week's application for kids:

1. Bless your kiddos.

Mary Ruth Swope wrote a beautiful blessing on 'Mercy' in her book, The Power of Blessing Your Children which aligns well with our topic of kindness and forgiveness. Read this blessing to your children:

In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with the knowledge that the Lord is plenteous in mercy to everyone who calls on Him. Know that the Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.

I bless you with the desire to be faithful in showing kindness and mercy to your family and friends. God has promised to show favor and give a reward to those whose acts of mercy are done in the name of Jesus Christ.

2. Try an activity that explains kindness to your kids.
I am addicted to the videos that SoulPancake posts about Kid President. I seriously love that kid. Here is a funny video on 20 things we should say more often. It is pretty amazing. (#5 is my favorite) Watch this with your kids and try to say as many of these things during the week as possible - which may mean you need to buy some corn dogs (this will make more sense after you watch the video.) Write them down to help you remember - or just watch the video everyday, which is totally enjoyable.

Even though we spoke mainly on forgiveness, being friendly and considerate to others is still a part of kindness. Make a list of kind things you could do with your kids and try to do one every day this week. Here are a few fun ideas you could try but ask your kids what they think would be kind to do for someone. I am sure their answers will surprise you as well as warm your heart.

• Leave a pile of pennies at a fountain with a note "Free Wishes" then sit somewhere close to watch people as they make a wish
• Go through a drive through and pay for the person behind you
• Make thank you cards for custodians and secretaries at your church
• Plant flowers in paper cups and leave them on your neighbors' porches
• Bake cookies and bring them to your local fire department
• Write encouraging messages with sidewalk chalk for pedestrians passing by your house

3.  Weekly Scripture Challenge.

Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to so too!

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit."

Titus 3:4-5 

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about kindness? What ideas did you kids have on how to show kindness to others? I would love to hear them! 

Love

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."  

Galatians 5:22

In my previous blog post, I wrote about how I felt gentle nudging to write about the fruit of the Spirit and to break down each of the characters and talk about how they relate to us rearing our children. Our first attribute is love. The concordance in my Bible lists 326 verses that contain the word "love." That must mean that love is a pretty big deal. It is also interesting to note that in Bible times, it was harder for a writer to get an important message across since tools such as bold font or italics were still far into the future. Important words/phrases/messages were relayed through repetition (thus the 326 verses about love) and the most important person/topic/idea was often listed first, as in our theme verse. As if that wasn't enough to stress the importance of love, Paul spells it out for us in 1 Corinthians 13:13 when he wrote, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Love is the reason why God saved us from our sins. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life." I have heard that verse my entire life, but when I sit and really reflect on that, I realize what a heavy verse that is. As a parent, I can't even imagine how heart-wrenching it must have been for the Father to watch his Son suffer for mankind. But Jesus was going to conquer death because He loves us that much to sacrifice Himself. While studying this topic, I wanted to focus on how Jesus showed love while He was on earth. While there are many, many ways, I narrowed it down to five: quality time, discipline, forgiveness, prayer and serving.

Quality Time. Throughout the Gospels, we read about how Jesus was almost always with His disciples. Even when He was teaching to large crowds, He would often withdraw with His disciples (Mark 3:7, 13). With His Twelve, He ate, traveled, preached, healed and fished. The night that He was betrayed by Judas, Jesus knew what was going to happen and spent His last night with His disciples where the first communion was served. If you love someone, then you need to spend quality time with them to cultivate the relationship. The same is true with our kids. Obviously we love them, but sometimes that quality time piece is easy to drop. Between soccer, Girl Scouts, laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, and so on, we sometimes lose that one-on-one time with our wee ones. Being a list-oriented person who bases the success of a day on the tasks completed, this is a tough one for me. Especially since reading Baby Beluga for the tenth time doesn't really thrill me. One way I make sure I get quality time with my kids is at bedtime. I leave my phone downstairs. I talk and coo at Sadie while I bathe and nurse her. After she is down for the night, I get Zachary ready for bed and when he is in his jammies, we snuggle in the chair in his room while he brushes his teeth. I scratch his back or his legs and we talk about the day. I think he looks forward to it too because he knows he has my undivided attention and I honestly feel like my heart grows bigger during this time.

Discipline. Sometimes it is hard to understand why discipline is a form of love - especially if you are the one being disciplined, but all discipline should be rooted in love. Jesus would rebuke His disciples (the biggest offender was Peter) not because He wanted to show them how He was right but because He loved them and wanted what was best for them. Hebrews 12:6 says, "because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son." When I tell Zachary not to climb up the backrest of our kitchen chairs, it's not because I don't want him to have fun, it's because I don't want him to fall and get hurt. Unfortunately, sometimes Zachary needs to learn that lesson the hard way - yep, he fell off the chair and nailed his head, but don't we do the same thing? Don't we do what we think is best sometimes instead of what God knows is best? And then we fall and nail our heads and realize we should have done it God's way to begin with. I often think about this when I am disciplining Zachary. I get so frustrated with him when he doesn't listen to me, but how often does God get frustrated with me for the same offense? Revelation 3:19 says, "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent." 

Forgiveness. This word feels heavy and light all at the same time, it just depends on whether you are the one giving or receiving the forgiveness. Jesus told a parable about a servant who owed his master a great deal of money. After pleading for his life, the servant was pardoned by his master and his debt was canceled. That same servant left his master and ran into a fellow servant who owed him a small amount of money. He demanded the debt be paid and refused the man mercy when he could not pay and threw him in prison. The master found out what happened and was furious. He called the servant and said, "You wicked servant, I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?" (Matthew 18:23-35). Shouldn't we have mercy on our fellow servants just as the Lord has mercy on us?

I know it is hard. I know about the excuses; I have used them myself. "She really hurt me." "That is just unforgivable." "You don't know what happened." "He will just do it again." What if the excuses we use not to forgive others, God used not to forgive us? After all, he gave his Son - a HUGE sacrifice. He could easily say, I am not going to let my Son's death pardon the pride that Pam Carlson exhibited last week. He could, but he doesn't. Not only are we called to forgive (Mark 11:25), we should want to because it is so freeing! Grudges are heavy, ugly and unbecoming. We can't let our children think this is an acceptable way to deal with conflict. Model forgiveness for your kids when you are in a conflict. Use the words "I forgive you" the first time they tell you they are sorry. I heard a story about a boy who did something rotten to his mother and when he finally mustered up the courage to apologize, her response was, "I already forgave you." What a beautiful thing to say. Imagine the weight that must have lifted off his shoulders hearing that. 

Prayer. Jesus knew that in order to get the most out of His time on earth and complete His Father's will, He needed to talk to the Father and He needed to do it often. He would pray alone and He would pray with others. Jesus prayed to offer up praise to his Father (Matthew 11:25-26), He prayed for protection over His disciples - which also includes Christians today - (John 17:6-26), He prayed for forgiveness of those who wronged Him (Luke 23:34), and He prayed as an example as to how we should pray (Matthew 6:13). Just as Jesus modeled this for his disciples, we need to do the same for our kiddos. How are our kids going to know how to pray if they never see Mom or Dad talking to the Lord?

Serving. I would venture to say that moms reading this last one just let out an audible scoff because if anyone knows anything about serving, it's moms. Serving is what we do from the minute we wake up in the morning, until the moment we lay our heads down at night - which is not a break because we are still "on call" and especially if there is a little baby who requires nightly feedings. Many days "serving yourself" means going to the bathroom alone while your littles are napping - if you're lucky. But take heart because you are in company! Mark 10:45 says, "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a random for many." So the way I see it, we are already mimicking our Lord by serving our families; however, many of us - myself included - just need a little attitude adjustment. 

Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." I don't know about you but I often feel like my kids are my human masters, so instead of begrudgingly completing a task - which I often do - I need to think about how I am completing that task for the Lord. When I am folding laundry, I need to think about how I have working arms to fold laundry and be grateful for the clean clothes that I can put on my family's backs and put a smile in my heart as I fold laundry for the Lord. When I am unloading the dishwasher, I need to think about how those dishes held food that fed my family and be thankful that I don't know what true hunger is and I need to put a smile in my heart as I put away the dishes for the Lord. When I am changing a diaper, I need to be grateful that my kids' bodies are working properly and I don't have to spend time in hospitals because they are healthy. I need to be grateful that I can afford diapers and that I can be the one changing their diaper and not someone at a daycare facility. I need to put a smile in my heart and change those poopy diapers for the Lord! I know it seems silly, but I have done this and I am telling you, it not only make the task more pleasant I know it pleases the Lord to know that we are using our abilities to glorify him even with something mundane.

Now that we have delved into love, let's talk about how we can apply what we have learned to our parenting and to our kids.


This week's parent goal: To consciously love on your kids each day.
1. What can you do to intentionally spend quality time with each of your kids?

Maybe mornings are your best time and you can read Clifford books in bed with your kids before you start your day. Maybe you have a one-on-one lunch date while the baby is sleeping. Maybe you stagger bedtimes so you can have snuggles while your kids brush their teeth. Figure out what works best for your family and your personalities and get that time in every day. You'll never look back on your life and think, "I wish I held my babies less."

2. Take the time to explain the "why" of the discipline consequence.

When I was a kid, I always hated when grown ups would answer my "why's" with "Because I said so!" Would you accept that answer if your boss/neighbor/friend said that to you? No, so why do we expect our kids to be pacified with that answer? Explaining a consequence takes more time and patience, but it shows the child that you care about them, not about your power over them. It is also important to note that the timing of this conversation is crucial. When Zachary hits me and I put him in time out, while he is screaming in anger is not a good time to explain that hitting hurts Mommy and it is not how we solve problems. I wait until he is calm so he can actually listen to my words.

3. Model forgiveness.

If our children don't see us forgiving, they will not be inclined to forgive either. A great opportunity to model forgiveness is after you have explained the "why" of the discipline consequence. That is generally when I tell Zachary that I love him and I forgive him. After I give him a hug and we go on with our day, I don't continue to hold his past poor judgement over his head. That will only teach him that I haven't forgiven him, which will in turn teach him that he can't trust my words. I want to be more like that mom who said, "I have already forgiven you" because that is how Jesus answers us when we repent. Let's do the same to our kids.

4. Let your kids play a more active role in prayer times.

When we pray, we always ask Zachary who he wants to pray and he will choose someone. Then we ask him what he wants to pray for. His prayer requests are generally the same everyday: Dada, Aunt Worwah, Eric, Trish-AH, Brucie-Bruce (and then he often goes back and repeats everyone in case I forgot) Then when he is ready, he closes his eyes and prepares his heart for prayer. My heart melts every single time we pray and we do so quite often throughout the day. I think he likes to pray because first of all, he saw Troy and I pray before he could talk and secondly, because he is a participant of the prayer. Ask your kids who should pray, or take turns. Make it fun and do a popcorn prayer where whoever is praying, when finished says "Popcorn, Dad!" now it is Dad's turn to pray. Teach you kids early that talking to the Lord is a vital part of our daily routine.

5. Fold your clothes for the Lord!

Remember that the Lord blessed you with special abilities that are unique to you. When you are completing a task think about how you can be grateful for what you are doing and put a smile in your heart and do it for the Lord.

This week's application for kids:

1. Blessing your kiddos.
A friend told me about a great book by Mary Ruth Swope called The Power of Blessing Your Children. In her forward she explains why she wrote this book of blessings. Her last paragraph says this:

                  "We can expect God to do great and marvelous deeds when we call forth the promises of   His Word for our loved one. As you bless your children in the name of the Lord, you will see God fill their lives with good things and bring full salvation even to your children's children. (See Psalm 102:17-18)"

Use this blessing Swope wrote about love on your kids this week.

"In the name of Jesus Christ:

I bless you with the will to love God with all your heart and with the ability to do so all the days of your life.

I also bless you with a deep desire to love both your parents with true affection for as long as you live. Loving God first and your parents next will undoubtedly lead to your loving yourself and your neighbors as yourself. I bless you with this kinds of love.

I bless you with the understanding to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ for you. I flood you with the knowledge of how precious you are to God, to your family and to your friends."

2. Try an activity that explains love to your kids.

Zachary is only two and Sadie is three months, so I needed something that wasn't going to take a lot of preparation or create a huge mess that would be overwhelming. I took a piece of red construction

A quick activity that is a good visual on love.

paper and cut out a large heart. I asked Zachary what it was and he smiled and attempted to say the shape name. I told him that a heart is a symbol of love and I told him that Mama loves him very much. Then I got out a marker and told him some of the things that I loved about him and wrote them on the heart. I hung the heart up on the bulletin board in our kitchen as a reminder. Then I told Zachary that Jesus loves all these things about him too, and much much more! Try something with your kids that is a visual reminder of how much you love them and how much more God loves them.

3. Weekly Scripture Challenge

Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to do so too!

"Love one another as I have loved you."

John 13:34

Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about love? I would love to hear them!