Facebook Etiquette

The year was 2005. I was a senior at Bethel University in St. Paul, Minnesota and that spring, my

I did find time to graduate

mission was not to graduate or pack up my room. My mission was to get Bethel University on Facebook. Yep, you read that right. Back in the old days, Facebook was only for college students. You had to have a college e-mail address in order to have an account and Facebook had to enter your college's information in order for you to be able to join. Small colleges, like Bethel, were not exactly on the forefront of Mark Zuckerberg's mind but you could request that your school be added to the list. I was a part of a small team of seniors who were constantly requesting that Bethel be added and that spring our diligence paid off. . . Bethel University was added to Facebook. All you Bethel students, you're welcome.

Look at us young pups, back in our dating days

Facebook was awesome. You could upload pictures and show off how awesome you are or what cool thing you were doing. You could look up the mean girls from high school and see that they had partied too hard in college and gained a spare tire. You could announce to the world the the status that was the end all, be all of relationships - "single" or "in a relationship." In fact, my husband and I started our dating relationship on Facebook. We had known each other since we were kids, but after I graduated from college and moved back to Chicago, he and I would send each other message via Facebook since he lived in Minneapolis. One thing led to another and -bam!- now we're married. I mean, do you see the power that F-book possesses?

It is only physically possible to have a relationship with a quantifiable number of people. What that quantifiable number is . . . I don't remember, but I read that somewhere, so you're just going to have to trust me. Social media, like Facebook, made that number larger. When I was pregnant with Zachary, I learned that a friend from high school was also pregnant. I had not spoken to her since graduation, but we have exchanged jokes, comments and advice on Facebook after our sons were born. We probably wouldn't have reconnected because we live in different states, so it was cool to be able to interact again. It has also been fun for our family and friends who live all over the country to be able to see pictures of Zachary and learn about his latest accomplishments by posting these events to our statuses. Things like that make me love Facebook.

However, there are quite a few things about Facebook which has made me want to break up with this wildly popular social media. The more people who join Facebook, the more faux pas are running rampant. So in true Pam fashion, I have complied a list for you of my opinion on Facebook etiquette:

1. No kids allowed. When Facebook started out, a lot of the appeal was that there was something cool about the fact that only college students could have an account. However, now that I am out of

college, I can see the benefit of expanding this online club to adults too, but I have a hard time understanding why anyone under the age of 18 should be allowed to have an account. While I can remember feeling frustrated with high school teachers/projects/rules/chores/parents/homework/etc. and voiced them to my friends, the audience that heard these complaints was small. Teens post something on Facebook about how they are mad at their parents because they have to clean their room and now everyone can see how petty their thoughts are. News flash, we don't care. If a clean room is your biggest problem in life, you have a long and hard road ahead of you. Besides being used as a media to share earth-shattering problems like not wanting to write a five paragraph essay, Facebook has also become an avenue for cyber-bullying. Not only are kids being mean to each other face to face, they are doing it on the internet too. Best way to fix it - all Facebook members need to be at least 18 years or older. At that age you can vote, go to war and buy a pack of ciggies. Let's add one more privilege to the mix.

2. We don't need to know your every thought. Most of the time, I love what people post. I get excited for you when you announce you got that promotion, you're pregnant or you want to move to Cincinnati to be closer to the Carlson crew! But I think we can all agree that some posts are . . . . lame. You want to get your nails done tonight? You are bored? You're at Taco Bell right now? Thanks for letting me know how you are feeling by inserting an emoticon! Here's a general rule of thumb; if your post is something that you think others would find amusing, then post away. If not, then get a diary . . . or a hobby.

3. For the love of Pete, stop "vague-booking." How many posts have you read that go something like this: "OMG!" or "I am so mad!" This is an epidemic on Facebook called "Vague-booking." Vague-booking is when you post something that leaves everybody wanting more. We all know what you are really saying with your vague-book. You are really saying "Please comment on my post so that I can continue to be coy and vague without really telling you what you want to know." I feel like a fish swimming around a hotdog on a hook. Just quit it already. Tell us what you want to share or don't, but be warned, I may call you out on your vague-booking in the future.

4. Save the debates for the Town Hall meetings. Here's a little secret for you . . . we all have different opinions. (GASP!) So, if someone posts something that you disagree with, you don't need to take it upon yourself to have a throw down WWF-style on Facebook. You also don't need to post things that you know will get a rile out of people. Example: election time. (Collective groan) I have learned so much about my "friends" on Facebook during this season. Some of it is down right nasty. I don't care if you are a Democrat, a Republican, a member of the Green or Tea Parties, if you're a hippie or are planning on running off to Canada, but think before you post. I have hid some of my friends from my news feed because based on what they were posting I was clearly an incompetent monster for believing what I do. If you want to have a debate, call up a friend from whom you can get an objective point of view or if you need an ally, call someone who thinks the same way you do. Don't alienate your peers by being closed minded, even if you think you are just trying to "inform" people.

5. Be wary of questions in status posts. I have also seen posts where people want honest feedback on a topic and someone comes around and decides to unload on anyone who thinks differently than that person. I recently got in the middle of this. A friend had posted a controversial ad and wanted feedback. That little voice in my head told me not to do it, but I thought, surely this is just a discussion topic. I wrote out a respectful response, read it, reread it and made sure that it did not point fingers at anyone or couldn't be twisted into something negative. Then I hit the enter button - big mistake. A few hours later, I was blasted by the person who posted the ad, along with others who had a similar point of view to my own. How foolish of me. I thought we were grown ups and this person wanted to know a different perspective. I quickly deleted my comment and hid him from my news feed. I won't make that mistake again.  However, I have another friend who truly wanted parenting advice and not just so she could store up some ammo for later. Everyone who replied gave good feedback to her, which I am sure she found helpful. Then one person decided chastise everyone for not having more faith in the mom who was posting.So I guess the moral of this point is . . . you can't win. Maybe don't answer questions at all unless a friend or family member calls you. Hmm, that can still be tricky. Okay, I don't have any good advice for this one.

6. It's cool to have good grammar.  I will be the first to admit that I am the world's worst speller. My husband will also tease me about how I write posts or texts and then hit send without proofreading. I always have a ton of auto-correct mistakes. I am sure you found an error as you read this blog so this advice certainly can be applied to me too. However, there are a few broken grammar rules that I see over and over again and I feel like I am taking crazy pills. If I had a nickel for every time I saw homophones used incorrectly, I would be a millionaire. Here's a quick lesson:

to, two, too
to - use as a preposition before a noun or as an infinitive to a verb.
I want to go to the dance.

two - number 2 written out
I have two pets.

too - can be used as a synonym to "also" and used to indicate exclusiveness.
I want to shop too.
I ate too much.

there, they're, their
there  - refers to a place
I put the mail there.

they're - a conjunction for "they are"
They're going to be late.

their - shows ownership of a group
Their dog ran in our yard. (The dog belongs to them)

your, you're
your - referring to something you own
Your books are on the table

you're - conjunction for "you are"
You're so funny!

It would also be good to note that "alot" is not a word. In fact, as I type this out, a bright, red squiggle line is reverberating under that word because it should be "a lot." I am sorry and embarrassed to say that I knew a teacher who made posters in her room and had this error on her poster. Every time I saw it, I felt like it was calling out to me, begging to be fixed. It felt so permanent - glued down and laminated. I just wanted to cry. I never did have the guts to tell the teacher about the mistake.

I told the hubs that I was writing this blog and he asked me if I was sure if I wanted to post it. I am probably breaking my rules by even writing something like this because most of my readers get to this blog via Facebook. I might be a walking contradiction, but I needed to get this off my chest; besides this blog is called Nonsense, so maybe that is all this really is.