Sewn Up Hugs

If you read my blog, you know I love me some pockets. And who wouldn't? They are conveniently and ergonomically located at a comfortable distance at your waist. You always have a place for your hands when you don't know what to do with them. You can store your small treasures such as chapstick. I mean, even the word "pocket" is nice. It's like a hug you wrap around your hands that happen to be located in your Levi's. You will never hear a woman complain, "Awe man! This dress has pockets! Dang it!" Ever put on a pair of pants without pockets? It's terrible. Your hands freak out for the whole day as they search for their tiny getaway. Oh, is that just me? NOPE, you do it too.

As I have been in the professional world for a few years now, I have donned many-a-dress pant. Have you noticed that some new dress pants have the pockets sewn shut? This irritates me to no end. How in the world will I know if my hands like their pockets? More importantly, why on earth would someone sew up a hug? It's just wrong. I was thinking about this recently due to a shopping trip with my mom.

For Christmas, my parents' gift to me was some new maternity clothes which was great because I really needed dress pants for work. My mom and I went out shopping and she helped me pick out a nice pair of dark grey, lined trousers - I love that word.  I was excited to have a pair of pants that didn't make me look frumpy at work. The first time I put them on to wear to work, the pockets were sewn shut. Grrrr. I was going to need those pockets ready for active duty - Hello! Chapstick? - so I got my trusty seam ripper from my sewing kit and opened those puppies up. When I went to slide my hands inside, the pockets only went as far as my knuckles!!! I still rock those bad boys, but every day that I wear those dress pants I stand a significant risk of losing my Burt's Bees Pomegranate chapstick. I guess, I like to live dangerously, but I seriously question the integrity of the person who designed such small pockets. I am sure this person is utterly unhappy in life. But I digress.

Here's what I don't understand, why even sew the pockets up in the first place? What a waste of thread. The only conclusion that I have come up with is that clothing companies know how amazing pockets are. So, they sew them up, almost like you would wrap a present to be opened on Christmas morning. When you rip open those seems, the clouds part and the angels from heaven shower you with their 'halleluiahs' as you slip your hands inside the pockets.

I did some Googling and found that companies sew pockets shut because it keeps the clothing looking its best in the store. Whatever. I think that's lame so I am going to go with the Christmas morning theory; plus it is much better than thinking that the clothing companies just want to make your mornings that much more difficult by adding another step to your grooming rituals. (Well, maybe the person who creates small pockets does; we know how unhappy that person is.)  

They just want you to open up your sewn up hug.

Laura Petrie Pants

When I was in high school, my sister and I were wild. We would stay up super late, into the wee hours of the night. My parents were completely oblivious to what we were up to. While they were snug in their warm bed, Laura and I would be watching television shows that only were on after a certain hour. We were watching . . . Nick at Night. Now you know our shame. My sister and I would spend our crazy nights watching Nick at Night until we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore. That's right, we were nuts for "Bewitched", "Petticoat Junction" and "I Dream of Jeanie." One of our personal favorites was "The Dick Van Dyke Show;" probably because we loved the movie Mary Poppins so much. In case I need to make a link for you folks, Dick Van Dyke played Bert in the movie, but seeing as we were watching the Dick Van Dyke show after seeing Mary Poppins, we would just call him Bert. Referencing him also often involved a rendition of the chimney sweeper dance, obviously.

One interesting fact about "The Dick Van Dyke Show" is that Mary Tyler Moore, who played Laura Petrie, was a bit of a risque actress who wanted to wear pants (gasp!) on television during a time when married couples were shown sleeping in individual twin beds. The network respected Moore enough to allow her to wear pants for only one scene in each episode. (After I learned this, I thought it was fun to notice this with each episode.) The pants she chose were black, although the show was in black and white, so they could have been any dark color, and they were capris, or as my grandma likes to call them, petal pushers. I always thought they looked so classy.

Fast forward to a few months ago when I was shopping at my meca, The Gap. I was trying on some dress pants when I found a pair that I was sure would look heinous on me, but they were on sale so I thought I would give them a chance. I put them on, looked in the mirror and fell in love. They were Laura Petrie pants!! At long last, I had found them and let me tell you, I wore them well. Laura Petrie would be proud. These dress pants are currently hanging in my closet amongst my other dress pants which happen to be harboring unfriendly feelings toward the Laura Petrie pants because they know the Laura Petrie pants are my favorite.

The only problem I had with my Laura Petrie pants is the same problem I have with all dress pants. I don't understand why the pockets are sewn up. It is like the factories think that you are going to try on the dress pants, stuff them full of things and then put them back. I think if they are going to sew up the pockets, they should put a message inside like a fortune cookie. I would love it, if I got home with my new Laura Petrie pants, ripped open the seams and found a message in the pocket. Here are a few suggestions that would be fantastic.

"Wow, your butt looks awesome in here!"
"Wanna hold hands?"
"You are going to have a great day, so long as you strut your stuff."

Anyway, you get the idea. I just think it would be fun. I mean if they are going to sew up the pockets on my Laura Petrie pants, the least they could do is put a little surprise message that could say something like, "You call these Laura Petrie pants? Laura Petrie calls these Pam Carlson pants."