From Flu Shots to Freak Outs

I was passing out papers today when a student totally hacked out a smokers cough right on my hand. Completely unrelated to this incident, I went to the Target Clinic to get a flu shot after work. I probably wouldn't get a flu shot every year if I didn't work at a school, but those walking Petri dishes (also known as students) always spew their illnesses on me so I figure it is smart to just get the shot. So, I walk into the clinic, fill out the paper work, hand over my insurance card and wait patiently for the smiling physicians assistant to call my name. **Side Note: In the meantime a trio of ladies walked in after me, also filling out paper work waiting for their lucky numbers to be called. The whole time I am thinking, 'I wonder if any of these women have something contagious.' This is definitely due to my germophobic issues, needless to say, I was breathing through my nose just in case.**

Finally, after many moments of breathing through my nose, I hear, "Pamela?" and I shuffle to the back exam room for my shot. The PA pulls my my sleeve, swabs my [raging] bicep and is about to poke me when she tells me that this flu shot also has the H1N1 string in it so I don't have to worry about getting two shots. This is the part where I wigged out. I nearly jumped off the table. Here's my problem with the H1N1 shots; they freak me out. I just don't know enough about them and I am convinced that no one really does. Now, everyone knows that Troy and I are not jumping on the baby train anytime soon. We haven't even purchased our tickets, or even made our way to the station, but it is in the five-year-plan. I am worried that in a few years, researchers will found out that the H1N1 vaccine has some super weird side effect. I mean, it was orginally called the Swine Flu. Gross.

I have always thought that my fears about the vaccine were fairly valid - until I had to explain to the PA who is now looking at me like a compete psycho. As I am trying to explain my theory, I am slowly realizing that I might be an idiot. She tells me that it is completely safe (sure, sure, that's what you would say!) and that doctors actually recommend pregnant women to get that H1N1 vaccine. She also mentioned that all the flu shots for this season contain that particular strand. I ended up getting the dang shot and then apologizing profusely for my freak out episode. She told me it happens all the time. Great. Now, I'm just another weirdo on the street.

Oh well, what's done is done. If our children come out with a third arm or nine toes, we'll know why. I did take a few extra milligrams of folic acid, just in case. You're welcome, offspring.

Baby Fever

Why is it that when you are married, people assume that once you take off your wedding dress, the immediate process of procreation should begin? I mean, I think you should at least be allotted time to return the tux and maybe make it to the airport for your honeymoon. I had a lot of people ask me about our non-existent baby right after we were married. Usually I don't mind because sometimes I think it's fun to think about, as long as it doesn't become excessive. Then there are other times when I find it a bit annoying . . . like after a baby shower. Ten bucks says someone will come up to me and say, "Sooooooo, when are you going to have one?" Trust me, you don't want to take that bet. You will lose because it happens every time. I actually had a person I work with ask - and I quote - "Pam, when are you going to get knocked up?" First of all, gross. Who says that? Secondly, it's none of your beeswax so get back to work.

Now, I have been to the Robert Brown Center, so I know all about the birds and the bees and that the stork doesn't actually deliver babies. Plus, as an added bonus, I got "the sex talk" from my mom the night before my class went. For those of you who are not from the Chicago-land area, the Robert Crown Center is a life-scarring event for fifth graders. It was (at least at the time) a field trip that every fifth grade student took to learn about all that stuff that made a ten-year-old want to shrink in his Nirvana concert tee, and just when you think you can't take anymore . . . they show you the birthing video. I was convinced for a good ten years that I would just adopt - that is the kind of effect the Robert Crown Center has on you.

That being said, sometimes I think you can "catch" pregnancy like the H1N1. Every time a friend shares with me that she is pregnant, three other women come out of the woodwork and share the same news. About two years ago, I personally knew five pregnant women, three of which were really close friends of mine. Then there was a lull. Apparently, the epidemic was on a down hill slope, until the snow melted and low and behold, the fever was running rapid again. We have two friends who just delivered babies within the past two weeks. Two friends from church are due this fall. Two woman I work with are also "with child." I think the Robert Crown Center forgot to mention that conception may be an airborne virus. I am seriously thinking about wearing a Sars mask in public. I already don't drink the water at work . . . it's too risky.

This kind of attitude has people like my sister and my mother-in-law fearful that Troy and I will never have kids, but some day we too will catch the virus. I know that parenting is rewarding, so before all the moms wag their fingers at me, know that the reason we are putting this off is because of how hard you work - well that and the few families that we know whom have children that make my uterus shrivel up . . . which reminds me, I need to go buy those medical masks . . .