Schmuck-Producing Ads

Little known fact about Pam Carlson - I have a degree in Business; Marketing to be more specific. So, I do have a slight interest in consumer behavior and I respect the creativity behind commercials and advertisements. However, I don't think you need a Business Degree in order to spot a ridiculous ad. I would hope that any Joe would pick up on the cheese-factor. Now, I don't know if the economy has forced companies to downsize their marketing budget, or if the creative juices of these commercial masterminds has suddenly dried up, but I have noticed a few ads that do nothing but make the American population seem like a bunch of lazy schmucks.

Schmuck-Producing Ad #1

A couple years ago there was a commercial for Olive Garden. I tried to look it up on YouTube but it was taken off. Probably because it is a breeding ground for divorce. It shows a woman and her daughter talking about how they go to the Olive Garden on "nights when Dad works late." Troy and I always thought this was ridiculous. I mean when I was growing up, on 'nights when dad worked late' my mom made fish sticks and macaroni and cheese for us. Apparently, Olive Garden likes to take advantage of missing family members. If this is the direction that the Olive Garden is looking to go with their ads, here are a few more ideas that they can use . . . free of charge:

- When Grandpa's in the hospital having a tumor removed, my cousins and I like to hit up the Olive Garden!
- When my wife is giving birth, I like to meet up with the guys at Olive Garden!
- When my son is playing his championship little league game, I like to sneak out with the hubby to the Olive Garden!

Schmuck-Producing Ad #2
This week I heard a radio ad at the health club for Yo-plait Frozen Smoothies. It went something like this: "Yesterday my friend called me and told me she was really craving a smoothie, but it is such a hassle! You have to buy the fruit and mash it up. Don't you wish there was an easier way to enjoy a healthy snack? Well, now there is! Yo-plait Frozen Smoothies! Find them in your grocer's freezer!" I almost laughed out loud when I heard this. How difficult it is really to make a fruit smoothie at home? My mother-in-law makes them many mornings for her breakfast. I have never heard her complain about how they are 'such a hassle.' The next thing I am going to hear is that making your morning coffee is too much work . . .

Schmuck-Producing Ad #3
Enter my next ridiculous commercial: 5 Hour Energy. I have in the past mentioned my feelings about this apparent super drink, but I have also seen commercials for this product that make it seem like making coffee is just too much work. Making coffee is one of the simplest tasks I do all day. Obviously, these people can not be true coffee lovers to make a blasphemous statement like that. What do these lazy people do when they have to change the toilet paper roll or fill up their car with gas? Life must be so exhausting for them. Here's one of their commercials:

Alright, I'll get off my soap box now. I mean, apparently this is just the way that companies view us - schmucks. Well, I'll show them. But if I'm going to take on Corporate America, I'm going to need a plan. Maybe I'll work one up during dinner tonight. I mean, Troy is home sick with the flu, and that's when I like to go to the Olive Garden!

5-Hour Energy

Today was my first day back to work after the Christmas break. This morning, I was surprised at how alert I was considering the cats kept me up all night. I think that one of them was on duty at all times to make sure that Troy and I wouldn't dash off on another vacation. I also think that they needed to make sure that it was actually Troy and I sleeping in our bed and not a couple of posers. I think these things to be true because they both walked over me all night or took up all the valuable foot room. Anywho, I was feeling pretty good for most of the day, until about noon when I hit a wall. I think I could have slept standing up. (I may or may not have mastered the art of sleeping sitting up straight during our many car rides over the holiday. The only hint I give you when I am sleeping is the fact that my mouth is gaping open, catching flies. Since many people comfortable sit/stand with their mouth completely wide open, I am sure it would be hard for you to tell that I am in fact sleeping.)

This lack of energy really had me jonesing for a Dunkin Donuts coffee, unfortunately, there are not any in Minnesota, nor would I have been able to leave my students long enough to get one. (Sigh) Lately I have seen commercials for the 5-Hour Energy Drink. I am very curious to know how it works. To be honest, it kind of freaks me out. It is a small bottle, like one of those small bottles of adult spirits you can purchase for an exorbitant amount of money in a mini bar. How can the the contents in that small bottle give you enough energy for five hours . . . legally? Troy and I were commenting on how we are too nervous to try it. I am fairly certain that if I were to consume that teeny beverage, my heart would explode. This fear hinders me from a taste test.

I googled (don't you just love how that is a verb now?) the ingredients of this drink and found a website that informed me that 5-Hour Energy is mostly charged with vitamins and of course caffeine, it did however, come with a list of side effects. One being a rash from too much vitamin B3, possible paralysis from an overdose of B6, not to mention the possibilities of vomiting, disorientation, nausea, panic attacks, involuntarily shaking and an irregular heart beat from the amount of caffeine in the product. And if that isn't enough to worry you, they also have 5-Hour Energy Extra for extra yaking purpose.

While those side effects sound like a smashing, good time, I think I will pass. Alas, I am not a risk takers when it comes to 5-Hour Energy. I would rather sip on a large, Dunkin Donuts, French Vanilla coffee with extra cream and two Splenda to get my energy. The way God intended it.