A Time to Take and a Time to Give

The year before we got married, my husband fulfilled his goal of running in the Chicago marathon.  After months of training, race day came and we drove downtown early that morning to get him all set up at the start line. His family and I moved around the city to cheer him on at different parts of the race. Everywhere we went, a slew of volunteers were helping to make sure the race ran smoothly and did everything they could to help these runners finish the race. There were bands playing, spectators cheering and people handing out cups of Gatorade. I would watch Troy run down the vehicle vacant streets of Chicago, reaching out for a cup of Gatorade to quench his thirst and give him the boost his body needed to go a few more miles. If one was to strip down race day and categorize the people, we could find two groups: the takers and the givers.

The takers would be the runners. They took the opportunity to run in this race. They took the kindness of the city to shut down the roads so the path would be safe. They took the cups of Gatorade. They took the cheers of the side-liners. They ‘took’ to complete the task; finishing the race.

The givers were those who helped the runners finish. These people gave their time. They gave up their sleep to be prepared. They gave their support. They ‘gave’ to complete the task; finishing the race.

As mothers, we have our own marathon to run. We have been charged with the most important job anyone can have, raising our babies. Our goal is the same as the runners; we need to finish the race too. That morning, as I cheered for my soon-to-be husband, I saw many runners who had to drop out of the race. They couldn’t finish those 26.2 miles physically or mentally. I have seen moms drop out of the race too. To be honest, I have dropped out of the race myself. Mentally, I couldn’t hack this mommy marathon.

After my son was born, I was still new to Cincinnati. I didn’t have any friends in the area. I wasn’t connected to a group and I was a stay at home mom so I couldn’t find camaraderie at work. Though I was extremely appreciative of my many blessings, I was desperately lonely. Each day that went by, I became more isolated and I felt like my joy was being slowly stripped away. Of course, I had my husband, but I am going to let you in on a little secret, men and women are totally different creatures.  Men don’t always respond to the needs of women the way women would like. Shocker, I know. This is almost always a communication issue which is a whole different topic of conversation, but my point is that women can relate better to each other because their experiences are similar.  So having a group of women to support us while we parent is crucial. I decided to join a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at my church. The first meeting I attended was another game changer for me. I have shared with you in my It Takes a Village blog post, that I confessed to my small group that I was lonely and my joy tank was near empty. I also told them that as much as I loved and appreciated being a stay at home mom, I wasn’t sure if I wanted that title to define me; I guess I was still mourning my professional life. Instead of looking at me with judgement, those women rallied around me and loved on me for the next nine months of MOPS. They gave me encouragement. They gave me a renewed view on the importance of my role as a mother. They gave me advice. They gave me the impression that I was not alone. They gave. I was in a season of my life where it was a necessity for me to take.  

By the end of the year, I felt empowered.  This was great, because by then, I was a mama of two children under the age of two. I was approached by our MOPS coordinator to join the steering team for the following year. I knew I wanted to take a leadership role in MOPS, but I thought that would be farther into the future. I just had a baby; now wasn’t a good time - but if we are always waiting for a good time to give back, we will never find that time. I decided I needed to join the leadership team for MOPS, because I had to bless other moms the way these moms had blessed me. I had reached a stronger place in my race and now it was my turn to give.

We all have ebb and flow in our lives. Some seasons show us that we need to revel in a time of taking. We need to work on our own personal growth as I did my first year in MOPS. Other seasons need to be a time of shepherding and giving back when a healthier place has been reached. It is important to note that these roles of the Taker and Giver will dance back and forth depending on our situations but one thing is true, it is important for all of us to be both the Taker and the Giver in our lives.

For those of you reading this now who are in a season of self-doubt or loneliness, look around you. Are there people who are trying to hand you a cup of Gatorade as you determine whether or not you are even going to stick in this race? Accept their cup. TAKE. This is your place of need and that’s okay! There is no shame is reaching out to those who want to help you. They are doing so because someone reached out to them.

Maybe you are reading this and you are thinking that you are in a good place now. You find that you don’t need to take as much as you once did. I encourage you to look around and see where you can contribute. GIVE. Give of your time, your wisdom, your leadership, your talents, your encouragement and your stories.

Remember, regardless of where you are on race day, the goal is the same. We all just want to finish, but we can’t do it alone. We need others around us and we need to determine if this is our time to take or our time to give.

**Originally written for Emerge Mothers Academy Parenting Class**