When Quitting is Winning

My son, Zachary, turned two at the end of May, and consequently my husband and I started to get a few inquiries about when we were going to potty train him. Having just birthed our daughter in March and still struggling for daily survival, I would just wave my hand and tell these well wishers that potty training wasn't even on my radar. Although, we had been prepping for potty training. Zachary would follow my husband or me into the bathroom and we would talk about what we were doing. We bought a couple of potty chairs and put them in the bathrooms.  Zachary would sometimes want to sit on them and read books. Other times, he would even go pee-pee. (Since my daily dialogue is with a toddler, please forgive me for referring to bodily waste as 'pee-pee' and 'poo-poo.') That was the extent of our potty training. As far as the signs of 'readiness' went, Zachary didn't show any. He wouldn't grab himself if he had to go or tell us when he was going. He would also wake up wet from his naps. He couldn't pull down his pants - although this is probably due to the fact that he wears cloth diapers so it makes his rear end very "J.Lo-ish" 

We would hear about parents who potty trained their kids - some as young as 18 months! - in three days regardless of their child's readiness signs. Consider me intrigued. I am a disciplined and scheduled person, so a three day potty training boot camp seemed like something I could accomplish. Having only one kid in diapers also sounded pretty awesome, especially since we use cloth diapers.  Therefore, I am washing diapers every other day with both kids now using them. I even thought that maybe Zachary would have a leg up on using the potty since he knows what cloth diapers feel like when he wets them, which I hoped he would transfer to understand as accidents. 

There was a week this summer where we had absolutely nothing on the calendar, which was very unusual. Troy thought we should give this potty training thing a try. After I teased him about how "we" is actually only me since he would be scampering off to work each day, he told me that I could veto the idea.  I will admit though, I was seduced by the thought of having Zachary out of diapers. Besides, with all these other moms potty training their kids in three days, I knew I could too. 

The next day we started our boot camp. I didn't have any supplies like underwear or bribes, but I figured I didn't need them. I decided to just let Zachary run around naked from the waist down and pump him full of juice so he would have lots of chances to use the potty. His reward for going pee-pee in the potty was a big cheer from me, because after all, I wanted his behavior to be intrinsic, not rewards based. (Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!) After he had three accidents in a row, I figured out that he needed to sit on the potty about every 25 minutes. He would go when I would prompt him and we would have a dance party in the bathroom before he flushed his business down the big toilet. I decided I would keep track of the accidents, so that I could see his progress throughout the next three days. He had about ten accidents each day. On day three, Troy came home with a bag of M&M's which certainly peaked Zachary's interest in using the potty. He could now get his "nummies" but he still wasn't telling us when he had to go.

After a week and a half of our three day boot camp, and about 75 accidents later, I was exhausted. Zachary wasn't himself either (although how can you be when you're running around 1/2 naked with your man-bits out for everyone to see?). Sadie wasn't getting the attention she needed either because I was always on edge and waiting for the next accident. Fed up, I decided to put Zachary back in his diapers. I was dreading telling Troy that I couldn't potty train Zachary. I knew he would be supportive, but I felt like a failure. After I put a diaper on Zachary, we went downstairs to play, and the toddler I saw running around the house with his toy lawn mower was a different toddler that I saw for the last 12 days. He was happy again!

I then realized that it didn't matter what Parent's magazine/Pinterest/friends/family said about when Zachary should be potty trained. The fact was, he just wasn't ready. I watched him show off for me and cheerfully call "Mommy!" as he ran around, and I realized, that I was able to exhale and smile as well. I could let Zachary play independently without worry of an accident, and actually give Sadie some attention. All three of us seemed much more relaxed and happy. The rest of the afternoon was so pleasant that by the time Troy came home from work, I was certain I had made the right decision to quit potty training.

Sometimes we have to learn the hard way that moving forward is actually taking a step back. Zachary wasn't ready to be that big kid using the potty yet, and part of me is grateful for that. Tomorrow he will be taller than me, driving a car and going to college, so if today he wants to go pee-pee in his diaper, that's fine with me. When he is ready, then he will tell us. 

How many times do we try to shove a square peg in a round hole when it comes to our kids? We see what peers are doing and the accomplishments of their children and wonder if our kids are lagging. Most of the time our sweet kids are just trying to be kids and simply aren't ready for the next big thing. That's what we realized with Zachary. Often times, we rush through stages of our lives to try and get to the finish line. I have found that when it comes to anything of value in life, quitting our own agendas seems to make us winners - that and finding a good carpet cleaning company.