The Top Knot

A.K.A Sticky Bun, A.K.A. Messy Bun, A.K.A Mom Hair

I know a handful of ladies who have what I like to call, Barbie Hair. The basic stipulations to Barbie hair are as follows: thick, long hair with large loose curls that look as though they have been kissed by the salon fairies. The hair on these ladies is so pretty, I have actually asked one woman if I could reach out and touch it. She laughed at this request, but I needed to make sure that these luscious locks were real and not just a mirage of Paul Mitchell promises in front of me. (Can I just tell you that not only was her hair as glorious as I imagined it would be - it smelled like a meadow of daisies shimmering in the morning dew.)

My hair longs to be like Barbie hair, but most days I am lucky if I can pull off Skipper hair. You remember Skipper, right? Barbie’s younger, less endowed, somewhat nerdy sister who still gets a nod from the popular kids because her older sister is BARBIE. My Skipper hair usually comes out on days that I make the effort to blow dry and then straighten my frizzy, wavy/curly/wild hair, but generally I just rock the top knot, because I don’t feel like messing with my hair when I could go downstairs and enjoy the one hour of alone grown up time with the hubs, watching TV shows in our DVR cue that are three to six months old.

I don’t know how some of these moms have the time or the skill set to fix their Barbie hair, but I would love to take a crash course to learn this talent. I am hoping that it is actually a magic potion that you spritz on your hair and then seconds later, your Barbie hair is revealed because after I bathe, jammy and put three kids to bed, I often have a small amount of energy left which I use to stand in my shower and clean off the stank of the day (or lift a glass of red up and down.) And waking up early to shower is just not in my wheelhouse.

Sometimes, I like to play off the top knot like I meant to wear my hair in a wet bird’s nest on purpose. This works occasionally, if I also make the effort to put on clothes that do not contain any elastic which, three months postpartum, is the equivalent to seeing a unicorn passing out free Girl Scout Cookies that have more than ten cookies inside each box. So, basically, I am lying to myself and avoiding mirrors.

When I see other moms out and about rocking their top knot, I have to fight the urge to salute them. I generally just smile while I wait for her to put her red blend in her cart and wonder if I should choose her bottle as well or stick to the $8.99 bottle that has been working for me thus far. I also want to high five those with the Barbie hair because parenting is straight up hard and if you are finding time to make yourself look beautiful, gosh darn it, I am going to tell you that you look lovely! (Also, if you are looking for a fun game, compliment another woman. We are so hard on ourselves and generally overworked that the look that comes over her face is fabulous when you tell her she looks pretty or you like her shoes or she has Barbie hair. Complimenting strangers is one of my favorite hobbies.)

So when you see me shopping/dropping my kid off at preschool/breathing and my hair looks like it is in a wrestling match with my ponytail holder at the top of my head, just know that there is Barbie hair in there somewhere. I am just still working out the magic potion.