The Baby Spa

Apparently babies need a lot of stuff. Not that I would know first hand, but I am assuming this from the baby "necessities" that Target sells. Before my friends had children, I would walk down these isles because I knew I wouldn't buy anything. There I would find a plethora of pacifiers, diapers, burp cloths, car seats, pack and plays, etc, with each brand claiming to be the best for your baby. Most of the time, I would get overwhelmed and wander over to the book section. On my way out of the baby labyrinth, I would think to myself, when Troy and I have children, how on earth will we know what we need?! Now that I have gotten used to the idea of my peers procreating, I don't think that babies don't really need all that crap, except for maybe the car seat. That seems important, although a roll of duct tape seems cheaper.

I found out a few weeks ago that my friend, Ashley is pregnant. She is a fellow blog fan who enjoyed the post I wrote on the family stick figures people put on their car. She and our friend, Joanna have even taken pictures of the Baby on Board signs and sent them to me as a cruel joke, that I always find to be hilarious. Though it went against every fiber in my being, I will do almost anything to get a laugh, so Joanna and I decided to get her a Baby on Board window cling and a package of family stick figures to celebrate her little zygote.

Baby's R Us seemed like a good place to look for the Baby on Board sign, so I went there. (By the way, I never realized how completely ridiculous the name "Baby's R Us" is until I typed it.) I walked into this monstrous store reserved for all things baby and almost had a panic attack. Thankfully I found the newborn section before any hyperventilating set in. I found the Baby on Board sign without too much trouble. It was hard to miss since there was an entire isle designated for "baby safety," complete with mirrors that Mom or Dad can hang up all over the car so that they can always see when the baby barfs on the bib that says, "That's it, I'm calling Grandma!"

I perused a few of the isles to see what other crap new parents "needed" for their infants when I got to the Personal Care isle. This isle mostly housed bath tubs, which I will say is somewhat of a need, especially when infants can't hold their heads up on their own yet for you to just plop them in the sink for their baths. Most of the tubs where made of plastic and they were in a variety of colors. Then I saw it. I stopped dead in my tracks and read the packaging a second time to make sure I understood what they were selling. When I realized it was true, my mouth fell open. It was a Baby Spa, complete with jets and a sprayer head and it cost over fifty dollars. I openly shook my head in disgust at it.

In case you want to purchase one of these, it is called Lil' Luxuries Whirlpool, Bubbling Spa & Shower, (what a classy name) and if I find out you have one, our friendship may be pending. I decided right then that I was done looking around and supporting this conglomerate, so I left. I felt like I needed to process what I just saw so I called my sister and when it went straight to voice mail, I told her was I saw as though I were actually talking to her and not a vast abyss that was recording my story. I felt a little better.

Do today's parents really need all these gadgets? My great grandmother was born in a log cabin. As I was staring at the Baby Spa, I was wondering what her mother would have to say about all this stuff. I am well aware that I don't have children of my own and while I completely detest the "you'll understand when you have kids" cliche (also known as the futuristic "I told you so") I still have a hard time believing that we will need all that junk.

Now, we could buy that Baby Spa, or we could invest that money and compounded over the years, be able to send our kids to college. Sorry kids, your dad and I thought you needed a luxurious bath when you were so young you couldn't remember the soothing nature of the jets, so now we can't send you to college. Good luck at your Starbucks interview! Although if we forgo the car seats and go with the duct tape, maybe our kids can have their cake and eat it too. It's definitely something to look into.

The Minnesota State Fair

It's the time of year again. When folks from all over the state, flock to our capital city and gorge themselves on all things that are deep fried and served on a stick. It is known as the Great Minnesota Get Together. About 1.7 million people attend each season. It is . . . The Minnesota State Fair. You can ask almost any Minnesotan what their plans are from late August until Labor Day and they will undoubtedly tell you when they are going to the fair. It is a part of our culture. Personally, I love the fair and all the weird quirkiness that goes with it.

The food is obviously a huge draw. Our general plan of attack is to share everything so that we can eat more junk. This year we had cheese curds, a papa Pronto Pup, an ear of corn, fried Snickers bar on a stick (my personal favorite), fried apple pie, 2 lemonades, a few of Sweet Martha's cookies - and then we decided to get something we never had before - hot dish on a stick. Being from the Chicago-land area, I did not grow up eating "hotdish" and had never had it before. I thought since we were at the Great Minnesota Get Together, getting it fried and on a stick would be appropriate. I was wrong. It was gross. Maybe it is an acquired taste. Regardless, I will not be making Tater Tot Hotdish for my family nor will I eat it again.

After the selection of food, people watching is one of my favorite activities. Where else can you see such a diverse group of people? Troy and I are big fans of people watching. It is a great activity while you are resting your feet and nursing an overpriced glass of lemonade. I have found that a majority of the people at the fair can classified into one of the following categories:

1. Farm Folks. These are the kids who are involved in 4H and have driven miles from the outskirts of the Metro. They walk around in their Wranglers and dirty boots, awed by the amount of people and the fact that they finally get to come to "the city." (I am sure you can pick up on the fact that I ooze city slicker from my pours.) They sit in their camping chairs next to their sows, goats, and cows and look at us city folks like we are fools for not knowing how to truly live off the land like Daniel Boone . . . and they would be right, but I also don't need to pick hay out of my hair at night.

2. White Trash. This is a given. Any event that boasts food that will clog your arteries - on a stick - will for sure bring a surplus of these folks. They walk around in dirty flip flops or slippers (yes, I saw slippers as outdoor foot wear) with their overweight, loud children in tow, talking with their mouth full of fried food. Toothless, husbands lighting up a cigarette and blowing in the faces of everyone around them. I saw two women who apparently forgot to put their shirts on in the morning . . . that or a bobcat attacked their tops on the way to the fair. One of the two.

3. Pure Minnesotans. This is a category I have recently made up. This group contains people who love the outdoors and dress as such. They are the ones wearing Tevas or Chacos (some with socks . . .don't even get me started), cargo shorts and polo t-shirts. They may or may not have a sweatshirt tied around their waist or shoulders. They are pushing Bob strollers (these are made for runners) and eating the healthiest (I use this term loosely) options the Fair has to offer or munching on apple slices that they brought with them. Many of the people in this group are also donning fanny packs . . . which I cannot even talk about here, and should be the topic for another blog.

4. Prom Queens. I don't know why there is a large group of people in this category, but every time we go to the Fair, I see women who apparently thought they were going clubbing instead of coming to the Fair. They are wearing high heels, skinny jeans and enough make up to cover the entire cast of Gossip Girls. Often these women are holding a plastic cup of beer. Very classy. I have no idea how they teeter all over the fair grounds dressed like that. They must have corns the size of volleyballs.

If you could not identify yourself in one of these groups, congratulations! You're normal. If you did classify yourself in one of these groups, own it. While you may be a strange sub culture, everyone is accepted at the Fair. So, that is it. With tomorrow being Labor Day, it is also the last day of the fair. We will have to wait a whole year before we can see the butter sculptures, get free St. Thomas bags from the education building, and visit Minnesota's Largest Boar. That's okay though, it will take me that long to burn the calories I consumed in our visit.